When I was about 14 I discovered the amazing world of rock and metal music. The band that drew me in was Linkin Park. Their album, Hybrid Theory, is still one of my favourite albums even though I don’t like their more recent releases.
I became a fan of live music around the same time. I am fortunate enough to have seen so many amazing bands live on a number of occasions including a few festivals. I have made friends at gigs and festivals including one of my now closest friends. I have met a number of my favourite bands/singers including Slash, Stone Sour, Papa Roach, Disturbed, Lacuna Coil and Shinedown.
Music helps motivate me. I listen to it a lot – when doing household jobs, driving etc. It keeps me going when I am having a bad day. Music is an amazing distraction at times. I love discovering new bands and when my favourite bands release new albums.
Papa Roach have a new album out. They are a band I have always liked. Fantastic live and were lovely when I met them. I mention them as one of the tracks on their new album, F.E.A.R, is called, ‘War Over Me’. It sounds cheesy but it was like this song spoke so much to me. If I could actually write, this would be the song. It definitely reflects what I am going through at the moment.
My depression and anxiety has had an impact on me seeing bands live. Before Christmas I should have gone to see Volbeat and Slash. I had forced myself to go and see The Gaslight Anthem. I didn’t want to let my brother down who I was going with. I struggled the entire time with the experience. I felt trapped in the venue and I didn’t get any enjoyment from it. I spent the entire time texting Dave as a way to deal with the overwhelming sense of panic and fear I felt. After The Gaslight Anthem, I decided that I couldn’t go to see Volbeat and Slash. At the time I told my Dad and brother that I was too ill with the chest infection I had. The truth was I didn’t want to go. It would have been detrimental to put myself in a situation that would no doubt cause me added stress.
Until I am in a better place I am not going to bother buying tickets to any gigs. It is frustrating as loads of my favourites are going to be touring this year. But, the worry and dread become more apparent as the date of a gig creeps up. It’s not worth putting this pressure on myself. A friend has bought me a ticket to see Nickelback (a not so guilty pleasure :P) for November. We have seen them together before and she insisted on buying the ticket when I expressed an interest in them but explaining that I can’t afford to go as I am not currently working. I was overwhelmed when she told me that she was happy to get me a ticket and it wouldn’t be the same seeing Nickelback without me. I would also like to think that as the gig isn’t until November I will be in a better place. It also gives me something to aim for in a way.