These three words overwhelmed me today. In a nice way.
Naturally after a holiday you feel down. I could feel myself slipping back into the darkness of depression and anxiety. There were times when I was away that I had low moments. Maybe I was naive to think that this wouldn’t happen.
There was a recurring thought that I looked fat and stupid throughout the holiday. It was constantly at the back of my mind whenever I ate. The constant fear about putting on weight chipping away in my head.
Dave’s auntie turned 50 when we were there. She had a party at the house to celebrate. My anxiety was quite high. I felt out of my depth and that people wouldn’t want to talk to me. I made the stupid decision to have more than one drink. Earlier in the holiday I had drank the odd beer or cider and felt fine. The alcohol heightened my paranoia and subsequently my mood plummeted. I’ve now made the decision to go tee total. I didn’t like the effect alcohol on me. I felt out of control.
I did have an amazing time in Australia which I will get round to posting about. But being there has opened my eyes to how ill I am. I was experiencing intense hopelessness, anxiety and negativity during one of the best experiences of my life. Depression and anxiety were always there. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to dig their claws in.
Yesterday Dom’s dad text me to check that I would be taking Dom out this afternoon. He went on to say that he has been bursting with things to tell me.
So when I get to Dom’s this afternoon he was waiting outside the house for me. The first thing he said was, “Gemma, I’ve missed you!”
Dom has never said anything like this in regard to me EVER! It is a really big deal that he said this. I didn’t expect it at all and it kind of threw me. Other people have told me countless times how much I mean to Dom. I never believed them.
If only we all had our very own Dominic. Someone to remind you that you are important and valued. Who genuinely misses you when you are not there.