Nothing seems to be helping

I am managing to lift my mood slightly at times. This is only a small reprieve. My mood then comes crashing down again. 

I really am trying to keep my mood up. I am going the gym, opening up to those around me and trying to relax. The gym anxiety is still there. I don’t like leaving the house. I spend the entire time outside the house convincing myself that I am doing the right thing. That the gym is good. Yet there are more times then not when I cannot wait to be back in my house. 

I’m struggling to relax properly. The suicidal thoughts feel like they are dominating my head. I really hope my GP can help me on Monday afternoon. This low spell has lasted nearly a week now and it shows no sign of ending. 

What if my depression and anxiety has such a hold on me for the rest of my life? One of the cruelest things about depression and anxiety is that I feel like I’m making great progress and then the bubble is just totally burst and I don’t know why and I can’t make sense of it. I try to help myself constantly even when all I want to do is curl up in bed. I get out to the gym, we got Walter and I am opening up even though I find it so difficult. At the moment it is such a dark and daunting task to even get up each day. I really don’t see the point in putting myself through all of this if I spend most of my time trapped by my depression and anxiety. 

14 thoughts on “Nothing seems to be helping

  1. askateenageaspie says:

    “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”
    —Ralph Waldo Emerson.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It is usually temporary. Something will give, the GP will find a solution, the weather will change, your hormones will alter your mood, something changes and it gets better. Just be patient, and keep doing as you are. You are making very smart choices.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I know what it’s like to wonder if you’re ever going to get through your anxiety. However, as long as you practice consistently, you will get through your anxiety. I also know that it can seem easy to fall behind, which is why we have to continue to take steps towards our goals. I wish you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. persephone2015 says:

    It may seem daunting and difficult and never ending but you will get there (and yes, I’m speaking from experience). Have faith in yourself; you are stronger and more resilient than you realise – you’ve come this far already! *Hugs.*

    Liked by 1 person

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