Everything is such an effort right now. I am trying so hard to get out of this low. But it feels overwhelming.
I didn’t want to go the gym tonight. I don’t know if not going on Thursday played a part. I couldn’t relax today. My anxiety was constantly there in the background.
I did go the gym. I felt like I was going through the motions. There was no escaping from my head tonight. It didn’t help that the class was really busy. I couldn’t wait for the class to finish.
Talking to someone I trust is something that does tend to help. However, after I have reached out to someone I then feel stupid. I feel like I am a nuisance and that I bother others. As a result it’s rare for me to open up.
I want to socialise but I find it so daunting. I am trapped in a cycle of wanting to socialise but because I find it difficult I then feel incredibly isolated. Mental illness has robbed me of my sociable side. Nowadays, I need prior warning when it comes to seeing people. This gives me the time to prepare for it. After any social situation I then ruminate over everything that happened. It’s draining and puts me off seeing people.
It concerns me that I have little or no enjoyment in anything. I don’t see the point in doing things. The hopelessness and despair bring me to tears at unexpected times.
I am at my wits end with my anxiety and depression. One minute I am on an even keel, the next I am in the depths of a crippling low. I feel really unstable. I can be laughing about something and then feeling anxious or low for no reason. I don’t know what to do anymore.