Depression isn’t rational in the slightest. I am chilling with Walter and my mood has dipped dramatically yet again. I managed to do the dishes and wipe down the kitchen earlier. This is not a big deal to most people. But I have little motivation to do housework the majority of the time. It’s something that has been quite apparent since my breakdown in December. I then feel guilty that the house is a mess. Especially as Dave works long hours. Walter was great on his walk this afternoon. We saw six dogs when we were out. Initially Walter was unsure about them but he did end up curious about the other dogs.
So why do I feel so low? I don’t even know what to do about it. I have looked at my list of things to do when I am struggling and I have no inclination to do any of them.
I am concerned that I am experiencing these sudden lows more frequently. It’s something I am going to bring up during my next CBT session. I keep telling myself that it is nearly the weekend which means I can get to spend time with Dave.
I am feeling incredibly isolated at the moment. It is really disheartening when I am making a conscious effort to message friends and they ignore me. It would be easier for me to wait until they get in touch with me. But that is not going to help with my recovery. My anxiety is then triggered when I have seen that my friends have read my messages and not replied. My anxiety feeds my depression and vice versa. It really feels as if the more friends that know that I have anxiety and depression, the less effort they make.
If you know anyone who with mental illness please try to stay in regular contact with them. It is a lonely place to be when you live with mental illness day in, day out. It is hard to be strong during difficult days. Even something as simple as a quick text message can help someone with mental illness to keep going.