Depression isn’t rational in the slightest.  I am chilling with Walter and my mood has dipped dramatically yet again. I managed to do the dishes and wipe down the kitchen earlier. This is not a big deal to most people. But I have little motivation to do housework the majority of the time. It’s something that has been quite apparent since my breakdown in December. I then feel guilty that the house is a mess. Especially as Dave works long hours. Walter was great on his walk this afternoon. We saw six dogs when we were out. Initially Walter was unsure about them but he did end up curious about the other dogs. 

So why do I feel so low? I don’t even know what to do about it. I have looked at my list of things to do when I am struggling and I have no inclination to do any of them. 

I am concerned that I am experiencing these sudden lows more frequently. It’s something I am going to bring up during my next CBT session. I keep telling myself that it is nearly the weekend which means I can get to spend time with Dave.

I am feeling incredibly isolated at the moment. It is really disheartening when I am making a conscious effort to message friends and they ignore me. It would be easier for me to wait until they get in touch with me. But that is not going to help with my recovery. My anxiety is then triggered when I have seen that my friends have read my messages and not replied. My anxiety feeds my depression and vice versa. It really feels as if the more friends that know that I have anxiety and depression, the less effort they make. 

If you know anyone who with mental illness please try to stay in regular contact with them. It is a lonely place to be when you live with mental illness day in, day out. It is hard to be strong during difficult days. Even something as simple as a quick text message can help someone with mental illness to keep going.


24 thoughts on “Isolation

  1. oceanoffear says:

    Stay strong. I know how you feel but not every day is a bad day. Take it easy and I hope that your anxiety and depression become easier to deal with. If you want someone to talk to then I am here. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

      • If you did end up with no friends, they wouldn’t be good friends to have in the first place, you’d be better without… I totally understand some of what you are feeling though, depression is so so isolating, it just creates such a fuzzy barrier between yourself and everything else and it feels like nothing will ever penetrate it again, also time stands still and things go round and round our minds. That’s my experience anyway- which makes it so much harder when a well person doesn’t make the effort of priority to reply… It takes enough for you to send the message in the first place, and then nothing :/ for them though, – as for me when I’m more well depression-wise ,its a case of just forgetting or knocking it quickly but being too busy to reply right then. Its so hard when already feeling so alone though to have that extra sense of abandonment 😦 anyway, I just want to thank you for sharing, your writing is so easy to relate to and your style so engaging, also all the work youve been doing with Walter sounds really impressive 🙂 thanks again x

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for commenting. Yeah when I am really struggling I feel like nothing or nobody can help. I don’t think my friends appreciate the effort it takes for me to get in touch with them. I know I am overly sensitive which doesn’t help.

        I think my writing style is rubbish haha! But glad you like it so thanks for saying so. I feel like I just waffle on. Dave and I call Walter my therapy dog. I am so glad we have him x


      • oceanoffear says:

        I am in a similar situation. Even If you feel lie there isn’t anyone near you, there will always be friends and support here on your blog. It will all work out in the end Xx


  2. The Anxious Dragon says:

    I found a lot of people were a bit put off by my honesty about my anxiety and depression, it made them uncomfortable, which is why I find it far easier now to open up to people on Twitter about how in feeling than most real life people.


    • I won’t be telling anyone else about my anxiety and depression. It just pushes people away. But part of me thinks that if I can’t be honest with my friends then why should I bother with them? X

      Liked by 2 people

      • The Anxious Dragon says:

        I have found there will be a small number of people that understand what your going through. They will not always be the the quickest to reply to your messages, not because they dont care, but because they are plagued with the same anxieties and self doubts as you.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m in a similar frame of mind, and can’t seem to pull myself out out of this deep funk, isolation is the word, I just want to retreat.

    Your right friends can help, I have them, but also feel like I’m bothering them for support, but it would be nice if they called me for a change, sounds a little ungrateful but it’s how I feel.

    I just hope I pull out of it sooner rather than later, and wish the same for you:)

    Take care x

    Liked by 1 person

    • It reinforces that I am bothering them when they totally ignore my messages. I feel like I don’t really have any friends anymore. Hope you manage to get out of your funk. I’m sure we will both get there x

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah exactly. I am still me. Some of these friends I have known for a number of years. They all said to get in touch when I need to, that they would always be there for me etc. Clearly that was a lie x

        Liked by 1 person

  4. askateenageaspie says:

    I hope you feel better soon, as a fellow person with anxiety/depression, I find your blog really inspirational. By sharing your experience, you inspire so many people. A lot of people can relate to how you feel now. You are not alone 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I, too, know how difficult it can be when I suddenly feel anxious or depressed. While I usually know what I feel depressed, it’s not always easy to know why I’m suddenly so anxious and it only worsens when others make it like I’m being ridiculous.

    I agree that it’s important for us to see how we’re doing. I don’t think we should just be spoken to because of our issues, but I do think that if someone genuinely cares, they’ll try to make an effort to see how we are. Sometimes all we need is to talk to someone to feel better. I wish you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Depression has been a part of my life since childhood. When my son was diagnosed with Autism at a young age my depression got a lot worse. People “friends” have walked in and out of my life a lot over the years. One friend of over 25 years walked away because I no longer could cope with life and she thought it fit to walk away at the worst possible time. I have very few true friends. Of the two I am closest too I know online meeting parents of children with other disabilities. Some of them I have talked to for 18 years online or by phone. I, myself have come to the conclusion you either take me with all my flaws or don’t take me at all. You can’t be there for someone part of the time and claim you love them or completely care about them. It just doesn’t work that way.

    Recently one of my close online friends and I were both going through some tough times. We kinda drifted a little. We had our honest chats about our friendship. I was ready to let him go, but he told me no in so many words I was too important of a friend and as far as he was concerned we would always be friends and that would never change. So if you are doubting loyality from someone if you can get up the gumption ask them where your friendship stands. If they are honest, value you and truly love you for who you are they will be honest and tell you where they stand instead of letting you wonder. I know it is easier said than done, but it sure helps with the anxiety of wondering where someone stands. Hang in there though. Depression is a rough thing to go through. I have been rock bottom before and it is a horrible state to be in. I am always around if you ever need an ear. Good luck to you!


  7. I couldn’t agree more with your last paragraph, to know that friends care and still support you can help your recovery so much. It gives you strength knowing that you are not alone in this. It’s happened to me in the past, it can be tough for them too, but they will reply. I hope things work out soon! Take care x


  8. One of my best friends has mental illness. I make sure that we speak to each other several times a week. Thank you for reminding me to reach out to her. I am praying things get better for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Chin up they're just emotions says:

    This is exactly how I feel at the moment, I’m glad you’ve written this. It’s nice to know people understand xx

    Liked by 1 person

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