Even though I am having such an amazing time right now, it has also highlighted how my anxiety and depression impact me so much. 

I experienced a lot of guilt when it sunk in that Emma was here. She has come over specifically to see me; knowing that I have been struggling. I feel guilty that Emma has travelled across the world for me. Why would anyone want to do something so huge for me?

Yesterday we met up with Dave’s parents, sister, brother in law and niece for lunch. I have never felt close to them. I didn’t want to go as I didn’t want to have to deal with the awkwardness. But Emma needed to see them while she is here. 

I might as well not have bothered going. When I did try to talk, I was conpletely ignored. There was a weird atmosphere when we arrived. I couldn’t wait to leave. I got really upset when we got back in my car. Dave’s mum had the cheek to say to Dave that they ‘know something is wrong’ and they are worried. This made me really angry. Surely if you were worried you would actually respond when I spoke or even have the decency to ask how I am? 

I find it strange that I feel closer to family that live tens of thousands of miles away. Dave’s immediate family do not know about my anxiety or depression. I don’t feel comfortable talking to them about it all. 

Emma being here has made me realise how close I am to my parents and siblings. We have spent loads of time with them this past week and it has been great. Loads of laughs and smiles. 


12 thoughts on “Family

  1. Being ignored can be extremely hurtful and damaging.
    Recently, I worked up the courage to try and tell a family member my problems. She didn’t listen to a word I said. Either spoke overy me or had her head down on fb typing at 100mph.
    Finally looked at me like a piece of sh*t and went home.
    People’s reactions and words can be dangerous for are mind’s. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • It wasn’t just me that noticed it either. Dave and Emma noticed too. I think it is really sad that we aren’t close to Dave’s family but the just don’t make the effort. They didn’t even acknowledge that we have a dachshund now which probably sounds silly but he is so important to Dave and I x


  2. I’m sorry you went through what you did. I know how you feel and it’s interesting that you wrote this, because I sort of went through something like this yesterday. In the past, I’ve gone somewhere where I didn’t totally feel appreciated. It’s not that no one talks to me, but when people do it’s not for long and then I’m pretty much ignored for the rest of the time. While I know it’s partly my fault that I don’t walk around more and converse with others due to my anxiety, I feel like they should try harder to make more of an effort. Yesterday I finally chose not to attend like I usually do and a family member tried to make me feel guilty about not going. Instead, I stuck to my decision and didn’t go and I felt a lot better. Sometimes we need to do what is right for us and not worry about others trying to make us feel guilty. I wish you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s awful to be ignored like that especially as you are family, and when it’s obvious to others also it just makes the experience more alienating.

    Like you say Emma probably the main focus of the visit, however you don’t see her often, and it would have been a nice opportunity to be included in the company.

    If they sense something is wrong, just pick up the phone and ask, but don’t make people feel uncomfortable.

    i’d be wary of visiting especially if was going to trigger anxiety, and you would feel better for just saying no.

    Take care xx


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