I would like to thank the GP I saw this morning for helping to contribute to my already overwhelmingly low sense of worth.
It is hard to open up to yet another new GP; to have to tell my story for the umpteenth time. I woke up exhausted and couldn’t face eating. The GP asked if I work when I explained I had come in as I have anxiety and depression. I explained about providing respite for Dom. He then asked what I do in my spare time. I said about going the gym. I was told that working would be a good idea. The way the GP said it made me feel pathetic, like I am bringing my anxiety and depression on myself. I didn’t see the point in explaining about Walter as I felt so shitty.
I talked about the recurrent suicidal ideations. He said there was no point changing my medication. I am being referred to the crisis team which was probably one of the only positives of my appointment. I also have some sleeping tablets as I am struggling big time to sleep. I should hear from them within a week. The GP didn’t even ask me when I should come back in for another appointment.
Dave phoned me after my appointment. He told me to focus on the positives and that it is a step in the right direction. I am hoping that an assessment with the crisis team will be useful. Part of me is embarassed that it has got to this point.
It annoyed me that I was made to feel useless as I am not really working. The GP said that I need to keep distracted. So work is the only thing that can provide this distraction? I do want some form of job. But when I can’t function at a basic level most days, working is the least of my worries.