Waste of time

I had the worst experience possible in regards to the assessment with the crisis team. I didn’t realise that I could feel worse. But that is now the case. 

I told the woman who assessed me everything. I didn’t hold back anything. I cried and I couldn’t stop. Her response? We will change your medication, leave you for about 2 – 3 weeks and then see how you get on. At this point I lost the plot. 

I had been told earlier on that being under the crisis team would mean my CBT would cease until I was more stable. I understood that. It was of no benefit to me when I couldn’t function on a basic level. I asked what support I would get while adjusting to the new medication….nothing! I was told they would ‘wait and see’ how I reacted and then re refer me for CBT. 

The thought of this alone terrified me. The worse part was that I was not told how to switch over to my new medication or any side effects. Dave waited for me in the waiting area and saw how bad I was. The woman tried to give me the prescription with no explanation in the waiting room. I told her I was not happy that this was being done in the waiting room. Dave then went to speak to the woman himself. 

I was left on my own in the waiting room in floods of tears. About a dozen members of staff went past me. Not one of them checked if I was ok. 

I wish I hadn’t gone to this assessment. I am in an extremely dark place. I was in hysterics for ages begging Dave to let me die as I couldn’t go on like this. I really want to hurt myself to stop feeling like this. The thought of suicide is more tempting than ever. 

Dave is now too scared to leave me on my own. He is going to accompany me to all medical appointments from now on. 

If anyone has any suggestions or ideas of where I go from here please comment on this post. I don’t have a decent GP at my local surgery and I feel that no medical professional is taking me seriously. I was told by the woman assessing me to try and think more positively. If it was that simple I wouldn’t be so ill was my response. 

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15 thoughts on “Waste of time

  1. Oh I’m so sorry you had a bad time. I don’t blame Dave for not leaving you alone I wouldn’t either. Are there any helpline numbers you could ring? Could you go chat to your mate and her mother? I wish there was more I could say or even do to help, I know a little I’m sorry comment isn’t going to make much difference. x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not a medical professional but I need to tell you that you matter. You are not replaceable and you are doing th right thing trying to seek help. I’m so sorry things have been so difficult. Do you think Dave going with you will maybe help you relay information? I mean he sees you daily, and is likely most in tune with your emotions.

    Please don’t let yourself become a statistic. The most heartbreaking thing in the world is losing a great person to a battle that can be fought with the right people helping you. Keep trying, even when you feel you can’t you are doing the right thing.

    {hugs}
    Love,

    A First Responder

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Laura H says:

    I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. A crisis team should be far more competent and they certainly shouldn’t be offering you GP and IAPT level service. Email your local MP about the experience. Write in to your local newspaper – anonymously if you wish. Focus on making sure they don’t treat anyone else the same way. Giving yourself an outside focus can be a lifesaver. And for you, the Samaritans are available by many means. Please keep us posted. People care about you xx

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m so sorry you had this experience. Please be really careful switching over medication as that was what caused my suicide attempt (it can make those thoughts worse). Keep talking to Dave and the people you trust, and you could try calling a suicide hotline if things get really bad. Also, I have found Kati Morton (on YouTube and katimorton.com) really helpful. She has some videos on how to deal with suicidal thoughts (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n3XEbloPRI and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfDruc0QDCc) and the forums on the website have helped me.

    Lots of people care about you, and I don’t want you to die, even though I know that might not mean much and I only know you from what you write here. Stay strong, don’t let ignorant and unprofessional people stop you from fighting this.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Terrible service, just by seeing how upset you were, you’d think the daft cow, would show more empathy.

    To not even explain your medication is just beyond belief.

    I would ask Dave to draft a letter if complaint on your behalf.

    Please don’t act on your thoughts, so many would miss you, call Emma ,your friend from the gym, anyone you feel that will listen,I just fee so useless that I can’t help you more.

    Hang in there, your not alone, use the community here for support I’m sure all are with you 100%.

    Take care xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am so very sorry that happened to you. It sounds terrifying it overwhelming, and that was already how you felt! I think so many doctors are dismissive or in denial about side effects from medications and the very real withdrawal symptoms That can happen. They should have given you more instruction on how to transition medications to avoid problems. They definitely let you down. And I would deathly bring Dave to these appointments in the future. I wish I had helpful advice, but I do wish you well!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. So sorry you had a bad time. Sounds like the place you went was full of uncaring people or people number to the feelings of others. Sending you lots of hugs. This world is a better place having you in it no matter how dark it feels remover there is light somewhere you just can’t see. Having Dave with you in appointments will hopefully be helpful, I know it’s taken me a long time to be able to get to the point I go in to appointments alone because I felt like I wasn’t getting help or explaining things enough alone.
    I wish I could have more helpful comments. Only thing I can suggest is complaining about your treatment to the appropriate authorities

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m not entirely sure of your situation and I’m not a doctor, but I know that what you need isn’t medication or the medical route, you need CBT – cognitive behavioural therapy and you need to fight until you can get it! That is what helps train your brain to forget about the anxiety and to learn that situations we currently view as dangerous, are actually not. Maybe even hypnotherapy? Try and look into that last one, not sure if you already have. em x

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jo says:

    Hey, thanks for liking one of my posts. I thought I would have a look to see what your blog is about and I can honestly say I care for you. You’ve struck a cord and I can imagine how you feel. Please let us all know how you get on. There is so much beauty in the world that you still have yet to see. Don’t give up. I love you x

    Liked by 1 person

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