I had the worst experience possible in regards to the assessment with the crisis team. I didn’t realise that I could feel worse. But that is now the case.
I told the woman who assessed me everything. I didn’t hold back anything. I cried and I couldn’t stop. Her response? We will change your medication, leave you for about 2 – 3 weeks and then see how you get on. At this point I lost the plot.
I had been told earlier on that being under the crisis team would mean my CBT would cease until I was more stable. I understood that. It was of no benefit to me when I couldn’t function on a basic level. I asked what support I would get while adjusting to the new medication….nothing! I was told they would ‘wait and see’ how I reacted and then re refer me for CBT.
The thought of this alone terrified me. The worse part was that I was not told how to switch over to my new medication or any side effects. Dave waited for me in the waiting area and saw how bad I was. The woman tried to give me the prescription with no explanation in the waiting room. I told her I was not happy that this was being done in the waiting room. Dave then went to speak to the woman himself.
I was left on my own in the waiting room in floods of tears. About a dozen members of staff went past me. Not one of them checked if I was ok.
I wish I hadn’t gone to this assessment. I am in an extremely dark place. I was in hysterics for ages begging Dave to let me die as I couldn’t go on like this. I really want to hurt myself to stop feeling like this. The thought of suicide is more tempting than ever.
Dave is now too scared to leave me on my own. He is going to accompany me to all medical appointments from now on.
If anyone has any suggestions or ideas of where I go from here please comment on this post. I don’t have a decent GP at my local surgery and I feel that no medical professional is taking me seriously. I was told by the woman assessing me to try and think more positively. If it was that simple I wouldn’t be so ill was my response.