Mental illness takes its toll

Things came to a head between Dave and I on Saturday. It had been coming. We’d been snapping at each other for a few weeks. It’s understandable given we have anxiety and depression to contend with every day. 

I went the gym on Saturday morning. I then rushed to get ready to go over to our friends house. We weren’t able to take Walter to our friends house. This meant us going out of our way to drop him off at my parents house. 

So we dropped Walter off and start heading over. We had no idea that there were roadworks which meant road closures. It’s important to note that my anxiety is always high before any form of social gathering. Dave was driving and normally he is quite cool, calm and collected. But even he found it stressful. Dave ended up snapping at me; I ended up in tears and having a panic attack which included me screaming how it would be better for everyone if I killed myself. 

Dave pulled into a quiet street as it wasn’t a good idea for him to be driving at this point. 

I think we both needed the blowout. We walk on eggshells because of my anxiety and depression. As horrible as it was to be arguing, we were both able to be honest about things. This included me admitting to Dave that I still have suicidal thoughts. Dave also talked about how difficult it can be for him. 

I wasn’t in the right place to be seeing our friends. So Dave messaged them to say that the traffic was bad and could we reschedule. 

I think from now on I need to listen to myself more often. All week I had been struggling with the idea of going to our friends on Saturday. Yet I tried to ignore it which ended up making me feel even worse. 

We ended up enjoying the rest of the weekend instead of letting our argument spoil it. Next Saturday Dave and I are going to go for a meal. I think it will do us both good. 

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4 thoughts on “Mental illness takes its toll

  1. I’m sorry you had such a rough experience. I too, get stressed sometimes before going out so I know how difficult that can be. Please know that the world is not better without you, it’s just hard sometimes for people who don’t deal with anxiety in the same way to really understand what those who do go through. I wish you all the best and as always, stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jo says:

    Sometimes it good to have an argument. This is coming from someone who hates arguments, but it is completely natural to do it. Especially with those you love the most. So long as it’s not petty, hurtful things that are said, arguments can make a relationship stronger. Honesty is the best thing for a relationship. Though me and mine have managed to communicate our needs through a series of calm discussions, but that’s not to say we always do! Lol x I’m glad you enjoyed the rest of your weekend without letting the argument spoil it.

    I was told this saying once and I wonder if it might help, “if you are given a dozen roses and one dies, do you throw them all away? Or just dispose of the bad one?” Meaning instead of letting the whole week be a bad one, just think oops, and think about what you learned then move on. Every day is a new beginning x

    Like

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