Overwhelming

As this week has gone by, I have felt an overwhelming sense of dread when I need to get out of bed each morning. I wish I hadn’t said that I would work this week. It is really difficult being around people at the moment. I feel like I am trapped in a bubble of depression; looking in on other people who seem so happy and content. 

Each day I wake up more exhausted then the previous day. Each day it is more challenging to fight this and keep going. 

This week has highlighted how lonely I feel. After the gym last night, I cried when I was driving home. What few friends I have just don’t bother with me even when I make the effort. This in turn is leading me to not open up for fear of being hurt. My messages are now being totally ignored by certain friends. 

Dave knows that I am struggling. But he doesn’t know that I have felt suicidal. I really don’t want to go the gym tomorrow morning. It didn’t help me what so ever last night. It just made me feel paranoid and self conscious. 

I sometimes feel invisible. No matter how much effort I make, I am met with silence from people. This makes the idea of suicide more appealing. I won’t be missed and I won’t have to feel this awful ever again. 

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Overwhelming

  1. There are people out there that will miss you. I know it’s totally different but when I had Z I lost all my friends. But, I made new ones, I could say better ones?! Is there a way for you to find new friends? People going through what you are going through so you could help one another? Depression isn’t something I’m used to, I’ll admit I don’t know enough, but if there’s anything I can do to help, I’ll try.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You aren’t alone ❤
    I have felt pretty horrible this week too, and so flippin' lonely.
    But we can do this, things won't stay like this forever.
    Isn't your appointment coming up soon? I really hope it goes well for you.
    I wish there was a PM thing on here, then I would say message me! x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I know the place you are in too well. I promise you its only temporary. Fight that sad depressing voice in your head, ignore it. Replace it with a song. Make changes to your daily routine, distract your mind from going there. You will get through this ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Vicky Louise says:

    Aww sweet pea! I hated reading this 😦 I hope you still have my email address! you can email and my phone will let me know so you wont get ignored xx
    (wafflingsofanopenbook@gmail.com)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sorry to hear the last week’s been tough, I know what you mean, at times it feels like I’m cut off by a double thick pane of glass. But things will get better. Depression gives us an irrational view of the world, restricting it only to the negative. It is not you, but the illness, that makes you contemplate suicide. Stay strong, tomorrow is another day!

    Liked by 1 person

      • I’m not sure that it will ever go away entirely; it’ll come and go, but will always be there. Depression will forever be lurking in the shadows. We must accept that though, it’s an important part of our recovery

        Like

      • Yeah I know what you mean. It’s a hard reality to accept. I’m still struggling today. It didn’t help that I had an awful night’s sleep but it always happens when my depression is bad. How are things with you? x

        Like

      • Yeah it’s tough, throughout the day you might be able to distract yourself with other things, but then as soon as you turn the light out and get into bed you are on your own with your thoughts. I think that’s the hardest part, knowing that this ordeal faces you everyday. But we get through it because it’s nothing new, if we got through it yesterday and the day before that and the day before that, then we can go through it again tonight and the next day and the next. Don’t remember having many refreshing sleeps recently, but I’m not as bad as I’ve been thanks. Feel free to drop me a line if it ever gets too much. I know how much it can help talking with someone who also sees the world the same way. My email is matt.mckeen@googlemail.com x

        Liked by 1 person

  6. You would be missed. There are always those who would miss each and every one of us. It may not feel like it but your suicide would leave a void in people’s lives.

    I hope you can find some new friends who will stick by you and help you rather than desert you

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s