From bad to worse

It has been hard going this week. Even more so than last week. 

Besides Tuesday night, when I took a sleeping tablet, my sleep has been bad. The days I get up early for work I have had to go back to sleep when I get home. Not for just an hour. For about 3 hours. 

I have barely been to the gym. I managed to go on Monday evening which helped. But the lack of sleep, high anxiety and low mood doesn’t fill me with any inclination to go out unless absolutely necessary. 

My appointment with the crisis team was yet again a waste of time. It involved a lovely woman reading an anxiety booklet with me. It didn’t help that a student nurse was in the room. Not once was I asked if this was okay with me.

So the outcome of the session was I will be re-referred for CBT through the NHS. No indication was given as to how long I will be waiting. I have requested to see the therapist I saw last. I am glad I am not under the crisis team anymore. They haven’t helped at all and in some regards have made things worse. 

I have an appointment with my GP next week. I say my GP, but I am seeing someone I don’t really know. Dave is going to come with me. He is really good during appointments and doesn’t let professionals walk all over me. I feel that I need a referral to a psychiatrist. My mood is unstable and can plummet without warning. I don’t feel that I am on the right medication. Surely I shouldn’t feel suicidal so often?

I am hoping a weekend with Dave and Walter will help. Walter is being neutered next week. Dave and I are dreading it. But we know it is for the best and he will be fine.

Dave has been amazing this week as always. He is in regular contact with me throughout then day even when he is really busy at work. Walter’s little face really does keep me going. He gives such good cuddles and knows when I need one. 



12 thoughts on “From bad to worse

  1. Vicky Louise says:

    Walter is so gosh darn cute!!!!

    I hope sleep comes easy tonight honey and I’m so glad you have such a supportive and understanding partner!



  2. Lack of sleep really seems to be having an effect on my anxiety. I’ve also learned that drinking wine makes me have bad sleep. So it stands to reason that wine is causing some of it. Sigh. There goes that stress reliever. I see this is an older post. So I hope you have been doing well with you anxiety.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I gave up alcohol in April. I was never a big drinker anyway, but it had a noticeably negative impact on my anxiety when I was on honeymoon in Australia. My anxiety has been pretty bad at times. I don’t really want to leave the house x


  3. Gemma, Your Walter is absolutely adorable! He could be Bronnie’s brother. Our fur kids are some of the best medicine to help keep us going. There’s nothing better than a nose poke or a face lick to help make the day a little better. Hang in there. I’m rooting for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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