I hope you all had a nice Christmas day. I had a lovely time with my family. I am so lucky that I am close to my parents and siblings. But the same cannot be said for Dave’s family.
I have always struggled with where I stand with Dave’s Mum. Throughout my relationship with Dave, the few times we do actually see her, she spends most of the time bitching and moaning about other family members. Because of this, I worry what she says about me behind my back. She frequently bitches about Dave’s sister’s husband so why wouldn’t she do the same about me?
Dave’s sister has two little girls. Dave’s parents frequently travel hundreds of miles, to the other end of the country, to see Dave’s sister, her husband and the girls. Dave and I have lived in our current house for nearly four and a half years. Do you want to know how many times Dave’s parents have been to out house in that space of time?….Twice!
Things came to a head during August Bank Holiday weekend. Dave’s cousin was over from Brisbane so she came with us to lunch with Dave’s parents, sister, her husband and their little girl for her 2nd birthday. As soon as we arrived, there was a weird atmosphere. It had been my 30th birthday the week earlier and I hadn’t seen any of them since Christmas. No one asked how I was or if I had a nice birthday. I was really upset when we left. So much so I ended up in tears.
To top it off, Dave’s parents have never met Walter. Dave’s Mum claims to be scared of dogs. Dave has offered countless times to come to ours to meet him so she can see that there is nothing to be scared of. I have witnessed firsthand the impact of a dog phobia. Dominic was terrified of them for years. Yet he has managed to get over his fear and loves dogs now. A fear in a child with autism is more heightened compared to a fear someone who is neurotypical may have.
On Bank Holiday Monday, Dave and I are spending the day at his parents. As you can imagine, I am extremely anxious and dreading it. My parents are looking after Walter as we are not allowed to take him with us. This means we have to go out of our way to drop Walter off before driving to their house.
I feel so bad on Dave. He doesn’t understand why things are so strained and hates the fact his parents haven’t even tried to meet Walter.
I wish you all the best. I’m sorry no one asked you on your birthday how you were. I know how hard that can be when no one really makes an effort to talk to you.
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Thank you. I just feel really uncomfortable and that I can’t be myself x
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I’m sorry.
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I hope the day goes by smoothly…and swiftly!!!!
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Thanks Pam. Hope you’re well x
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Doing okay, Gemma, although I will be better when my autistic son returns, with my husband, from a visit to the grandparents and extended family! Different issues than yours, of course, but I so very much understand your stress!!!
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How old is your son Pam? Hope he is ok x
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He is 25, Gemma, and struggling to adapt to an adult world that often seems unfriendly and weird! It is hard for others to understand his challenges: he might seem surly or uncooperative when he’s out of his depth. Thanks do much for asking!
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No problem. These are the concerns I have for Dom as he continues to get older x
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We will have to keep in touch about our boys! I believe they have do much to contribute, if we find the right avenue for them…
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Yes we should. Although Dom isn’t my son, he is an important person to me. I have been working with him for over 4 and a half years now. You are so right though; they have so much to give if we focus on their strengths x
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I didn’t think you had a son! You probably have a bit more objectivity than I do…so I hope you’ll have time to give feedback now and then!
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I would love to give feedback whenever you need it x
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