Friends

As much as CBT is helping, it is also bringing things to the surface that I am finding hard to deal with. 

During yesterday’s session, we looked at how I can cope with my extreme lows and suicidal thoughts. My therapist asked who I would get in touch with. This was a struggle to answer because I wouldn’t reach out to anyone in particular. Dave is the only one who knows about my suicidal thoughts. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone. 

It then got me thinking. My friendships seem to consist of me being the shoulder to cry on during times of difficulty. When I meet up with friends it has usually been instigated as a result of a problem my friend is dealing with. I am more than happy to be there for my friends through ny difficult times. But it just seems that when things are going well for them, they don’t make much of an effort. It’s as if my only purpose is to be a listening, sympathetic ear. 

An example of this is a friend who has recently been having a tough time at work. She knows about my anxiety and depression so I understand why she has been opening up to me. We met up for coffee on Friday. She spent the entire time talking about herself and her situation. 

I know how difficult life can be. But even when things have been truly awful for me, I would always make sure to show my friends that I still cared about them. 

I know my friends don’t probably want to make me feel like this. But I feel like they use me. I don’t feel like I have many friends as it is. Surely a friend would want to spend time with me whenever, not just when things aren’t going so well? 

I wish I wasn’t so sensitive…

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17 thoughts on “Friends

  1. I totally get where you are coming from with therapy helping but also bringing tough thoughts and feelings to the surface. I had some group therapy last autumn which helped me a lot but then I spiralled after as it made me think so much about the things I was running from. It will get better…just one day at a time.
    As for the friends thing. I think there are two sides to this. I’ve recently had a friend tell me I was distant from her the last few months and wasn’t there for her. This was when I was going through the hardest time I have in a few years. She didn’t seem to get the dark place I was in and that I mentally couldn’t be there for her as much as I wanted to. On the other hand she felt as if she was always there for me and I wasn’t returning the favour. We both saw it so differently. It’s hard. Maybe when your friends come to you, explain that you are also going through hard times and you might not be in a place to be as supportive as you’d like. You need to look after yourself. If the situations upset you, take a step back. You can always talk to me if you need to xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If your friends only think of you as a shoulder to cry on, then they are not much of a friend. Don’t be afraid to tell them that is what you are thinking. It will lead to one thing and one thing only…you finding out if they are really a friend. If they get mad at you for doing that, then you are 100% right. If they are happy you said that, then awesome. Don’t look at it as possibly losing a friend, look at it as finding out who your friends really are. Also, share your problems with them. Give them the chance to see if they really care about you as much as you care about them. It will set you free in one way or the other. My new motto, which I am about to post….Call out your fear. Hunt it down. Look it in the eyes. Smash its teeth in.

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  3. also…Dave is not the only one who knows. I do, and I don’t even know you!!! It is okay to have anxiety. Everyone has it. Everyone expresses it differently. I tend to be more like you, but I am realizing it is not good for me, and it is not my fault, and it is 100% fixable. Anxiety is not fixable, but your approach to it is. Change the expectation of your anxiety, and the easiness to deal with it will come with it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. If I do start to open up to a friend about any difficulties I am experiencing they either go quiet or change the subject x

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  4. I’m not sure that you’re being too sensitive. Good friends are there for you both in good times and in bad. You’re right, just because they may be having a bad day and be sharing that with you, doesn’t mean that they can’t ask how you are. I’m sure they care, maybe they just didn’t think to ask. However, please know that people do care about you.

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  5. I struggled finding friends I was willing to talk to about my depression and any dark thoughts I may have been having. My life long best friend wasn’t even someone I could go to because she was always having her own life dramas or worries, I think it’s sadly human nature to unintentionaly think of yourself first. I also think depression makes you think of yourself first but worry about saying it all out loud due to anxiety or lack of energy to discuss/describe! So you end up listening to everyone else’s burdens and withdrawing further into yourself.
    Just don’t forget that good friends do care and when you’re ready to be selfish (and you do need to be) and say ‘stop, listen to me now, I’m not ok’ they won’t think any different of you they just may struggle to understand what you need, much like you probably. Good friends will always work with you to work out what it is you need.
    Just never forget that people do love you, your an amazing person and there’s always someone at the other end of the phone (friends and family) and until you’re ready to pick up the phone or confide in people Dave and Walter will be there with hugs galore!
    I’ll always be about if you need an ear honey 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve seen a lot of quote type things where it basically says ‘who’s there for the person who’s always there for everyone’. Sometimes I think you can be such a good listener that people forget you have a voice. In that case, just remind them that you, in fact, would like them to listen to you x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I absolutely agree. I too have been in this position and sadly have had to let some friendships go. It should be a two way street. Have you tried talking to them about how it makes you feel? Maybe they’d be a bit more receptive and understanding?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Thanks for following my blog, Raising Smart Girls. I wanted to share something from another one of my blogs, as I have had periods of depression, and my husband had, on a couple of occasions, had suicide gestures with guns that I had to talk him down from. I couldn’t turn to friends or family with the stuff I was dealing with. It was way too much for anyone to handle and they didn’t seem to care enough. Therapy was marginally helpful, but mostly, addressing the issues I carried with me from childhood onward as a highly sensitive person from a dysfunctional family system needed to be done before I could feel real relief.

    If you don’t mind me sharing , maybe you can find something useful here:

    https://thesprightlywriter.wordpress.com/holistic-healing-for-ptsd/

    it’s an ongoing resource list of things I found helpful in my healing journey.

    All the best to you,

    Casey

    Liked by 1 person

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