Does anyone else feel that they don’t really have good friends? I was just looking through my instagram feed and it got me thinking. I couldn’t name a single friend who I could call my ‘best friend’. It has made me feel down. I see loads of people that have a close group of friends or at least a best friend that they can talk to about anything.
I am even struggling to think of many good friends. It has got me thinking that this is all my own fault. I push people away, I don’t deserve to have friends, my anxiety and depression make me unlikeable.
Another factor that seems to play a part is that I am teetotal. I made the conscious decision to stop drinking alcohol last April when I was in Australia. I didn’t like what it did to me. It heightened all the negativity in my head and made me feel out of control.
Call me old, but I never imagined that when I was 30, people would see alcohol as such an important factor when socialising. I have been made to feel boring or not worth inviting out because I am teetotal.
It’s probably just me that feels like this. At least, I hope no one else experiences the isolation and loneliness I regularly feel. I consistently make the effort with people and yet I continue to feel second best with most people.
I will try and do a proper update soon. It’s been a few weeks since I posted. I’m just feeling quite low at the moment.