I haven’t been to the gym for nearly a week. The paranoid, self conscious part in my head is overwhelming. It gives me so many reasons to not bother going the gym. I know that retreating from the world makes my anxiety and depression worse. But it is so hard to find the strength to just get changed for the gym, let alone to actually go there.
Being around people is draining. Yet I am not sleeping properly at night. My diet has gone to shit. My appetite isn’t great and I just eat whatever is easy rather than cook something nutritious.
Coming to the end of my CBT has brought some horrible things that happened to me to come to the surface. Something I had repressed many years ago is in the forefront of my mind. I can’t think of anything that has happened for me to remember this event. But I do wonder if this is the root to a lot of the issues I have.
I feel like an incredibly selfish person for being like this. Especially as my grandad is so ill.