Everything seems grey

It feels like all the colour around me has zapped away. Like I am in a strange haze. This time of year is always difficult for me. I am struggling to get enough quality sleep. I have been on the verge of crying all day and I don’t know why. 

It probably didn’t help that when I went to Aldi it was stupidly busy. I went at 6.30pm when it is normally really quiet. I could feel my anxiety building the longer I spent in the shop. 

We still have loads of sorting to do at our new house which isn’t helping my mood. Could do without Christmas so we could blitz it really…

A strange trigger

Since the house move, I had been coping (at least I thought I had) with the upset with handing my notice in. A friend messaged me as she found out about it through another friend. They are both aware of my anxiety and depression. My friends had talked about the issue I had to deal with in regards to work. 

A friend asking if I am ok has made my mood drop significantly lower. How messed up is that?! Mental illness is such a strange thing. 

Deep down, I know I did the right thing. But I guess I am still processing the whole thing. I have been doing an accredited online dog walking course which, so far, I am enjoying. A fresh start is always good. 

I talked with my lovely friend on here Vicky about how I was feeling. She is such a good person and gives great advice and support. Last night I looked after my friend’s two little girls while she was at college. They always make me smile and laugh. So all of this has helped. 

I’m chilling with two good friends later on today. Tomorrow Dave, Walter and I are up to Vicky’s to have a Christmas get together. Spending time with some of my favourite people is always good. Even when I don’t feel at my best. 

Home Sweet Home

Today marks 8 days in our new home. Although we still have a lot more unpacking and sorting to do, I love our house. 

The lead up to the move was inevitably stressful. On the day itself, I felt I was running on adrenaline. I wasn’t sleeping properly during the days leading up to the move. Thankfully, my family were amazingly helpful. I was so exhausted by the time Dave and I had a proper sit down. 

Unfortunately, Dave’s parents came to visit us the day after we moved in. I have no idea why they thought it was a good idea to come less than 24 hours after we moved in. But it sums up Dave’s Mum. We were so tired and Walter was out of sorts in his new house. I was glad when she finally left. I felt I could finally start to relax. She is officially the most negative and draining person I know.

I am officially not taking the pill anymore. I feel like a proper grown up now what with my own house and trying for a baby.