Oh anxiety. You love to lull me into a false sense of security. Then you pop up and make me feel miserable in the process. I don’t need you chipping away at me; telling me to stay in, not to go to things I have been invited to, making me compare myself to others and never feeling good enough.
I experience anxiety every single day. I wish I didn’t, but anxiety is always going to be a part of my life. On a good day, I can ignore the anxiety and continue with every day things. But, there are days when it is so damn hard. Where it takes every ounce of my being to keep going. Anxiety and depression are a horrible combination. It feels like they fuel each other and that I am stuck in a vicious cycle; if I am highly anxious it has a negative impact on my mood and vice versa.
I have got a lovely group of friends that I met at the gym. They are caring, supportive and so much fun to be around. I feel that they are too good to be my friends. Every time I open up I experience guilt and fear that I am pushing them away.
It would be nice to be able to accept an invitation to a social event without experiencing anxiety. I would love to not feel paranoid and anxious whenever I am in the gym, walking Walter or anywhere else in public. But it isn’t realistic to expect these things. My anxiety is a part of me. It’s just hard to accept at times.
If you read my last post, I was struggling. I was utterly convinced that Christmas and everything associated with it would be terrible.
I was proved wrong.
Dave and I rushed round like headless chickens wrapping Christmas presents, packing our things to stay at my parents and making sure we had everything we would or might need for Walter.
Dave drove us to his parents on Christmas Eve morning. The nearer we got there, the more anxious I felt.
It turns out my nieces think Auntie Gemma is awesome. The day was spent playing duplo and playmobile and decorating a gingerbread house with my 3 year old niece and chasing after my one year old niece who has mastered the art of walking. I don’t really know my nieces. Dave and I haven’t had the chance to spend much time with them as they live hundreds of miles away. It was nice spending time with them.
Christmas Day was spent with my family. It was a really relaxing day. Dave completely surprised me by giving me an Xbox One!
Dave and I managed to sort out loads in our new house over the Christmas break. It feels so much more homely. We spent time with some friends and went on a big dog walk with my friends from the gym.
Tomorrow Dave is back at work. It has been lovely having him home. We have lots of things planned for the house and the future.
So here’s to 2017. Hope it’s a good one for all of you.