The battle within

My head is in a strange place at the moment. Each day is like a battle that I am fighting to get through.

This is the third day of feeling really low and highly anxious. I thought I was having what is a ‘normal’ low for me. But I am also experiencing higher levels of self loathing than normal. 

I struggle to sleep when I am like this. It is getting worse each night. No matter how tired I am, I don’t fall asleep for hours and I wake up frequently during the night. 

I am trying so much to get through this low. The gym isn’t always helping. I am on edge and anxious in classes. I tried pilates on Monday night after doing Bodyattack in the hope that it would help mentally. It was the worst thing I could have done; I spent the entire hour with thoughts in my head telling me how fat, useless and a burden I am. At least now I know not to do pilates when I am struggling…

Deep down, I know this will eventually pass. But it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. If anything, I have days when I am mentally well that I fear the days like this again…


4 thoughts on “The battle within

  1. Sorry to read this Gemma, this illness is so frustrating, especially when it affects the areas of your life you really enjoy;

    Be kind to yourself and hope you start to see improvement soon.

    take care
    Cay x


  2. I’m so sorry you’re struggling, Gemma. I hope you feel better soon. I know you’ve probably already tried this, but have you tried listening to music that you find relaxing and/or really like? How about reading a good book?


  3. Thanks for sharing. I take medication for anxiety and depression and despite having an at times very stressful life I am in very reasonable mental health in recent times.
    I suffered terribly from anxiety and low self esteem in years gone by. Just wanted to say it often gets better with age. I’m approaching 50 now and although not that physically fit, I feel more comfortable with myself than I ever have. I think my personality is more suited to being middle age!
    Keep trying to be knd to yourself and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel happy.
    I have my wife and family and Bailey around me as much as possible , wishing you ever improving mental health and contentment X


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