Down and out

I am currently sat with my left leg raised on cushions on the couch with ice on my left knee 😦

I did bodypump class last night. During the warm up in bodyattack I got this awful burning pain throughout my left knee when I lunged. I went to put my foot on the floor and the pain was even worse. I managed to move to the side of the studio and sat against the wall. My friend who teaches the classes came running over and stopped the class. At this point I was mortified. A first aider came in and helped me out of the studio. 

It took half an hour for them to check me over and to fill in the accident form. They needed loads of information. My knee was noticeably swollen. My friend offered me to drive home. But I didn’t want to leave my car at the gym. I couldn’t bear weight on my foot due to the pain in my knee. I managed to drive home. My knee crunched every time I changed gear which knocked me sick. 

My friend said to rest all weekend with my leg elevated with ice on it to reduce the swelling. Fridays I don’t go the gym anyway. But I am annoyed I can’t go tomorrow. When the option of being able to go the gym is taken away it makes me anxious. It probably sounds ridiculous but I can’t cope with putting weight on. I have this huge fear of putting all the weight back on that I have lost. So much so that I don’t eat much. The worrying thing is that I am rarely hungry or want to eat. I am hoping I can go the gym on Monday night. 

I have been on Citalopram for nearly two weeks now. It’s hard to know at times if it is working as I have had some real lows these past two weeks. The suicidal thoughts are occuring more. It doesn’t help that I still haven’t got a counselling appointment. Dave tried phoning up about it and couldn’t get through. It is really frustrating. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety two and a half months ago and  the only support I have is medication. It is evident that this is not working. 

Dave and I are having a weekend in now due to my dodgy knee. We don’t celebrate valentine’s day and haven’t done in years. Valentine’s day has no bearing on our relationship. To us, it is just a random day. We celebrate the day Dave asked me out and we will obviously celebrate our wedding anniversary. Dave will randomly buy me flowers and little gifts throughout the year which I much prefer to him doing it once a year. 

Speaking of gifts, it’s Dave’s birthday in a few weeks. He is so awkward to buy for! He has one present so far which is some Breaking Bad pyjama bottoms. If anyone knows what to buy a 28 year old bloke who is into gaming then let me know! We have enough DVDs and he is so fussy with his clothes. I might have to go on a shopping trip. I will be leaving it until after next week though as it is half term. I don’t like going in shops though so I might need to do a proper look online instead.