( Nearly) 37 weeks

The last few weeks have gone past in the blink of an eye. Even though I am at the point in my pregnancy where I feel uncomfortable most of the time.

Up until the past few days, Jellybean felt like she lived in my ribs. It was virtually impossible to ever feel comfortable. Towards the end of last week, Jellybean moved down. For the first time in my pregnancy, I actually had an appetite!

During my 36 week midwife appointment, my bump was measuring big yet again. I went for a growth scan the following day. Jellybean is absolutely fine. She isn’t measuring big and is actually spot on in terms of her weight.

New symptoms I am experiencing are waking up completely drenched in sweat. I feel like I have done a 45 minutes Bodycombat class! I have been having some intense pressure in my bump at times too. Last night, I woke up feeling nauseous and ended up throwing up. Dave is convinced I will go into labour before my due date.

Dave and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary last week. It was nice to spend some time together before Jellybean arrives. We went out for a Chinese which was delicious.

I will end the post with another photo of Walter. We got him a new harness. It looks super comfy and looks great on him

34 Weeks

We are less than 6 weeks until Jellybean’s due date. Part of me thinks it has flown by. Another part feels like it is dragging.

I saw a physio about my hands and hips. She was amazing. I do have carpal tunnel syndrome. I now wear splints on my hands at night when I am sleeping. It is nice to not be woken up in the night with sore wrists and pins and needles in my hands. I also have pelvic girdle pain. I have a support belt to wear under my bump during the day. This is helping alleviate my hip pain.

Jellybean has had a huge growth spurt. She is considered big at the moment. I am now seeing the midwife every two weeks as I am so close to my due date. She has said that if she is still measuring as big at my next appointment she will send me for a scan. I have been reassured that her growth might level out.

Walter has been diagnosed with dermatitis. We changed his food to grain free after noticing in between his toes were red and sore. We also bought some paw butter to help. Initially, this seemed to help. But it became clear that his skin wasn’t right. He was itchy loads and we noticed sore parts on his fur.

In the past, we have been fobbed off at the vets about Walter’s skin. Dave and I have both felt for awhile that he has a skin condition. We saw a new vet and he was amazing. He was extremely thorough and took some scrapings from different parts of Walter’s fur and skin.

For a week Walter was on a course of steroids, having a supplement in his food and two baths with a special shampoo. The difference has been amazing. His fur and skin look and feel so much better, he doesn’t scratch loads and he just seems happier.

Normally when we go the vets, Walter tries his best to escape and we end up carrying him in to the consultation room. He would shake as he was nervous and bury his head in us and refuse to acknowledge the vet. So when we went back yesterday so the vet, we were shocked that he willingly walked into the consultation room, wasn’t shaking and wasn’t burying his head in us. The vet was pleased with Walter. He wants us to continue with the supplement in the food each day and to bath him once a week with his shampoo for the next few weeks then reduce it to every other week, every month etc.

I haven’t shared any photos of Walter for awhile so I thought I would. He has his own instagram if you want to follow him – instagram.com/walterthesausagedog

Walter playing with his mate Harlow after a dachshund walk last week

Snuggles with Lola. She came over and settled on Walter like this.

27 Weeks

I am now 27 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy feels like it is flying by.

Last week, I didn't think Jellybean was moving as much. She just seemed a lot quieter than usual. I decided to phone up the hospital that I am giving birth at. They were amazing and said for me to come in so they could check everything was ok.

I ended up not telling anyone at the time and went the hospital on my own. I messaged Dom's Dad as I was due to pick him up for 10am and he said to collect him whenever I was ready.

Looking back, I have no idea why I didn't tell anyone in my family. I just calmly phoned the hospital, had a quick cry and drove myself to the hospital.

Jellybean was and is absolutely fine. They put a doppler on me and gave me a clicker. I was asked to press it whenever I felt Jellybean move. The midwife went and got me a drink and as soon as she left the room, Jellybean started moving! I was given tips on how to get Jellybean to move in future if I feel like she isn't moving as often.

So I did eventually tell Dave and my family that I had been to the hospital. Not surprisingly, I was told off by them all as they felt I shouldn't have gone on my own.

Since I have been into the hospital, Jellybean has been making up for having a brief quiet spell. She has been moving so much! I love feeling her move. It is one of the most incredible experiences.

I finally got round to doing yoga last night. I absolutely loved it. I have been continuing to do this pilates, zumba and bodycombat. I also continue to walk Walter each day. I really believe staying active will help me during labour and after Jellybean is born.

I have my 28 week midwife appointment next week. They will start measuring my bump. The week after we have our 4D scan. I can't wait to see Jellybean. I am doing a hypnobirthing course through the hospital which starts on Sunday. I have heard good things about it so hoping that will be beneficial when I am in labour.

Besides pregnancy, we really enjoyed having Lola here for two weeks (as did Walter). We managed two dog play sessions and loads of nice walks.

Still spending time with my family and friends regularly too. It is good to spend time with good people. Jellybean will be so lucky to have these fantastic people in her life.

Viability

Today marks 24 weeks pregnant which means from this point on, our little girl has a good chance of surviving if she were to be born. This made me smile immensely when it came up on Ovia, one of the pregnancy apps I use. 

For the most part, my morning sickness has gone. I have had the odd bout of it but nothing major. The recent hot weather has been horrible for me. I am finding it harder to get comfy in bed at night even with a pregnancy pillow. But it is so much worse when it is warm. As a result, my sleep has been terrible. I haven’t been the gym since Saturday and have needed to have naps on days when I am particularly tired. 

My bump is definitely more noticeable now. The past few weeks when I have had Dom, he has commented each week that my bump is bigger. 

Our little girl’s movements are becoming much more stronger. Dave, my mum, brother and best friend have all felt her which has been lovely. 

I had a recent spell of being super anxious about our baby. My biggest fear is something is wrong with her or will go wrong. I spoke to Dave and my Mum about it which helped a lot. It is nowhere near as bad now. 

We have booked a 4D scan for the end of August. We are going to where we went for the gender scan as they were brilliant. Plus, they had a great offer on and we couldn’t resist. We only have to wait another 6 weeks for it.

We have had so many lovely people giving us things for our baby. From clothes and books for her to maternity clothes for me. Our little girl is loved by so many already. 

Pregnancy aside, things are good. Spent lots of time with my family recently including a birthday meal for my Dad at the weekend. The times I have been able to go the gym I have thoroughly enjoyed it and kept up in classes. I am doing low impact moves/adaptations when needed. 

From tomorrow Walter’s BFF Lola is staying with us for just over 2 weeks. Dave and I are really looking forward to it. Walter enjoys having her here. Dave has some time off over the next few weeks which will be nice. 

Halfway there

I am now 21 weeks pregnant! So infact I am over the half way point. Yesterday Dave and I had our 20 week anatomy scan. I always feel a mixture of excitement and nerves before scans. 

Our little girl has grown so much since our private gender scan 5 weeks ago. I am so happy that she is healthy and well. She was checked thoroughly from head to toe which reassured Dave and I. Especially with the whole issue with my medication. I was so relieved when they checked her heart and it was fine. As per every scan, our little girl decided to be awkward during the scan. I was asked to go for a wee in the hopes that she would move position (which she did). It made me laugh as I have had to do this during each scan. 

I am feeling our baby girl move so often now. Dave has yet to feel her. She stops moving when he talks to or rub my bump. But it is just a matter of time before he does. I am still having morning sickness. I ended up throwing up outside the house when we got back from the scan yesterday. The majority of the time that I am not being sick I feel nauseous. It is hard at times. But, I know that all this will be worth it by the time our little girl arrives. 

A few weeks ago, we took Walter to Dogfest at Arley Hall for the second year in a row. This year we also went with our friend and her dog Lola. It happened to be unbelievably hot during the week we went to Dogfest. We were frequently putting the dogs into paddling pools, pouring water on them and getting them to drink. 

We made the decision to leave early for Dogfest this year. It was a good decision. We had to queue to get into it, but the queue moved constantly. We got to hear the amazing Noel Fitzpatrick talk this year. He is such an inspiration. 

Noel had this tshirt on during his talk and I couldn’t resist one for myself

Waiting in the queue

Walter all ready for Dogfest

Walter and I did a selfie haha!

How much does Walter suit this flatcap?! 

The main man; Noel Fitzpatrick!

I am planning on going back to the gym tomorrow. I haven’t been for nearly a month what with my asthma being bad and then morning sickness reappearing. I am going to do Zumba and I can’t wait. 

Our little girl already has some lovely clothes thanks to her auntie, Nan and Grandad and her great auntie and uncle in Australia. My Mum is in knitting heaven. The baby already has a matching hat, cardigan and blanket that are beautiful. I also couldn’t resist buying her some things for Father’s Day for Dave. 

These clothes are from my sister

Dave’s Father’s Day presents. The books are so sweet and made me cry reading them. 

Emotional Day

Yesterday was my lovely Grandad’s funeral. I broke down crying as soon as the cars came to pick us up from my Nan’s house. I then cried all the way to the crematorium and throughout the funeral. The service was lovely. My Dad did an amazing job as a pallbearer and reading a poem. I was so proud of him. During the eulogy, the vicar doing the service mentioned about how excited my Grandad was about becoming a Great Grandad. It was hard to hear that, knowing he will never meet the baby. 

Due to the baby being awkward during our initial 12 week scan last week, we were offered one yesterday evening at 6pm. Part of me felt guilty that we had the scan on the same day as my Grandad’s funeral. The scan went really well. The baby is looking healthy and well. The brain looks good as does the heart. We saw the baby trying to suck its thumb and it looked like it was waving at us! The baby appears to have long legs too. They must take after me! We have a private scan booked for 3 weeks tomorrow to find out the gender of the baby. We can’t wait. The baby is due on 8th November. 

This weekend Dave and I are having a dog filled weekend. We are looking after Walter’s bestie/girlfriend as my friend is on a course. We are going to go to doggy play tomorrow afternoon and on Sunday we are taking them on a dachshund walk. I think a chilled out weekend is just what I need with Dave and these two:

I didn’t sleep well last night even though I was exhausted. I woke up around 3am and struggled to get back to sleep. 

‘Just a dog’

For a number of reasons, I have had to stop working with Faith. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. In the back of my mind, since the incident that happened recently, I thought this was inevitable. For one thing, Faith’s mum is a heavy smoker. Dave and I had recently talked about when I became pregnant I would have to stop working with Faith because of this. 

For nearly a year, Walter came with me to Faith’s. I was told that he was more than welcome there. Faith’s family had got a kitten recently and I was told until the kitten and their dog had gotten totally used to each other that it would be best not to bring Walter. I totally understood this. I was under the impression that I would be able to bring Walter with me from the messages I received. 

I arranged for a friend to look after Walter while I worked. While trying to arrange this, messages were received saying a number of things that I perceived as hurtful. One being that Walter is ‘just a dog’ and I should be able to leave him for 5 hours for evenings four times each week. 

Things were said to me that couldn’t be unsaid. A lot of hurtful things.  As a result, I had to make a tough decision to stop working with Faith. It probably sounds like all I seem to do is quit when things are difficult. But, the past two years have taught me that I struggle to deal with conflict. I shouldn’t have to deal with conflict in a work setting on a regular basis. It has a negative impact on all other aspects of my life. 

It might seem silly that I have stopped working over ‘just a dog’. But Walter is far more than that to Dave and I. Before we decided to get Walter we read up a lot about dachshunds. They are prone to separation anxiety. That is not to say that Walter is never left and that I don’t go out. He is left when I go shopping and the gym. But 5 hours on his own? We didn’t get Walter to leave him for that long on his own.

Sometimes (such as at the moment) Walter is the only thing that makes me leave the house. I have only left the house the past three days because Walter has needed to go for a walk. He is my little buddy and keeps me going. He is always there no matter how low and anxious I am. 

So just a dog? No, he is a super dog to me. 

Lovely friends, lovely moments

Sorry I have been so quiet on here. But it’s all for good reasons. I have been busy spending time with my favourite people.

I love my group of friends at the gym. They are so amazing, positive and encouraging. They have been there when I have been anxious or my mood has been low. I’ve had motivating messages and offers of phone calls during recent lows. They just totally understand my anxiety and depression. 

So my life recently has been dachshund meet ups, christmas coffees, party planning, cinema trips and it has been lovely. 

Walter and Poppy

Walter looking very handsome in his new red jumper

Salted cappuccino and honeycomb latte

Doggy selfie

Walter and Lola

I can’t take credit for the amazing birthday cake. My mate made this over the past two days. I made the cartoon words, zested some lemons, washed and dried a lot of dishes and kept my mate company. 

So this time in two weeks (hopefully), Dave, Walter and I will be in our very own house. Just need to get a move on with packing!

It’s been awhile

I can’t believe I haven’t blogged in so long. For the most part, things are good with me. For the first time in a long time, I actually feel like I am living rather than surviving. 

I have become good friends with a girl from the gym. We meet up before classes a few times a week to do some extra weights, pull ups and a run. I have spent time with her outside the gym. We have walked our dogs together, I’ve met her two little girls and she has cooked tea for Dave and I. We have a laugh togethe, she is easy to talk to and a genuinely nice person. Tomorrow we are meeting up for the day. The plan is to go shopping and for some food. I can remember quite clearly a time when I was unable to go into a shop, let alone into a busy city centre. I have opened up to her about my anxiety and depression. She is completely accepting of it and totally supportive. 

Faith (and I) took part in a big performance with guides. We got up on stage and did a dance with the rest of the guides. She recently made her promise. I was massively proud of her. She is doing a lot more for herself now too. 

Dom continues to have a close bond with Walter. He tells him repeatedly that he loves him and loves to cuddle him. Walter has made some new doggy friends in the form of Lola the king spaniel and Betsy the cockerpoo:

A few weeks ago, I went to my first gig in about 18 months. I went to see Daughtry with a friend. As silly as it may sound, I was really proud of myself. I put off seeing Halestorm last August as I felt that I wouldn’t be able to have a good time. Daughtry were fantastic and I didn’t experience any anxiety what so ever. 

Unfortunately my grandad is really unwell. It is quite possible that he has cancer. He has lost loads of weight and is so frail. He is currently in hospital until at least tomorrow after repeatedly throwing up and experiencing stomach pains. He has had a camera down his throat, a biopsy and a scan. We are now waiting on the results. At times, I have been finding it hard to deal with. I don’t live nearby and I feel guilty because of it. I chose to move away for work and at times like this I wish I hadn’t moved away.

Fighting Anxiety

This week has flown by. Dom and Faith are on their school holidays. So my week has consisted of playing board games, dog walks, icecream, watching tv and arts. 

This week has seen anxiety rear its ugly head. There has been no trigger for this. I have felt really uncomfortable around people. Up until the end of this week, the gym was contributing to my high anxiety levels. Classes were unenjoyable and I was clock watching. Part of me wanted to stop going the gym as my anxiety was so unbearable. But another part of me had concerns that I would stop going entirely. I am glad that I continued to go. Last night I had a personal training session. It was really enjoyable. We did boxing and focused on wrist strengthening exercises. My wrists hurt when doing exercises when I am putting pressure on them. I managed to deadlift 45kg which I was pleased with. If you would like to see a video of me doing clean and press with a strong man log then click here.

I went the gym this morning. Although I am sore from last night, I noticed an improvement in my stamina and strength. I increased my weights during bodypump and I was proud of myself.
Tomorrow we are taking Walter on a dachshund walk. I am so excited! We have wanted to meet up with the group for months. But we have been unable to go because of other commitments or the weather. I will make sure to take lots of photos. 

I was going to do a post about autism awareness. April is autism awareness month. But, I had already done a post for Defying Shadows on this topic. It has been uploaded today so if you want to have a read of it the link to it is here.