A week of discovery

Daisy and I survived our first week on our own as Dave went back to work on Monday.

This week I have discovered that you are constantly busy when looking after a newborn. When Dave was on paternity leave, there was someone else to help out with changing, feeds, sterilising bottles etc. I am the master of doing things one handed now. We have managed two short walks with Walter too!

Early on in the week I had so much self doubt and anxiety. I felt overwhelmed and thought I wouldn’t be able to be a good Mum. There were tears in the middle of the night when Daisy just wouldn’t settle regardless of what I did. But my family, particularly Dave, have been so supportive.

As this week has gone on, I have gained more confidence. Being a Mum is incredibly tiring. But it is also incredibly rewarding. Daisy has changed so much in 3 weeks. She is awake and alert more each day. I can’t describe how it makes me feel when she is looking up at me.

We are currently waiting for Dave to come home from work and to spend the weekend together as a family. I cannot wait.

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Being a Mum

Daisy is now 8 days old. I can’t remember life before her. It is hard to put into words how much I love her.

It is crazy the impact a baby has on you. There are times that have been hard. We found out that Daisy was tongue tied. This made feeding traumatic for all of us. But we were lucky enough to get it sorted when Daisy was 4 days old. I can’t remember what it feels like to have a decent night’s sleep, the house is a mess and I feel clueless at times.

But despite all of the hard times they make the good times feel even more amazing. I love giving Daisy cuddles and kisses. Sometimes I look at her and can’t believe that I am a Mum and I have this amazing little girl. I love waking up to her lying in her moses basket next to me. I love how she looks at me.

Walter has adapted well to Daisy. Dave and I had concerns how Walter would react to Daisy. But he is so sweet with her. He likes to make sure she is ok. He is completely used to her crying when she needs changing or feeding.

I am not comfortable posting photos of Daisy on here. However, I have been posting photos on my closed instagram which is @originalgemskibob if you want to follow me. If you could send me a message saying who you are I would appreciate it.

Welcome to the world Daisy Georgia

On 20th October at 2.02pm, our little girl Daisy Georgia made a whirlwind entrance to the world weighing 6lb 1oz.

At 5am on 20th October, I woke up in bed to discover my waters had broken. I went to the hospital to confirm this. By 10.30am, I was having strong and consistent contractions. I only know this now as when we get to hospital at 1pm, I was fully dilated and ready to push. I completely surprised myself by giving birth without pain relief. The hospital told me that I had done all the hard work at home.

Daisy came 19 days early. She was born a day before what would have been my Grandad George’s birthday. Although she is in tiny baby clothes, she is doing well.

Although we are already sleep deprived, Dave and I are completely in love with Daisy.

32 weeks

Today marks my 32nd week of pregnancy. It is hard to believe that Jellybean is due in 8 weeks!

I really feel pregnant now. I regularly experience sore hips and pressure in my lower pelvis. Last week when I was nearly 31 weeks pregnant, I had to stop going to the gym. I am proud I managed to keep going until I was nearly 31 weeks. I am continuing to walk Walter each day. I am struggling to sleep a lot now. I am frequently having to switch sides in bed or get up to pee.

It was found during my 28 week blood test that it was found that I am slightly anaemic. I am now on iron tablets. The past week I have developed what I think is carpal tunnel syndrome. I have a physio appointment next week so hoping this will help with this and my hips.

My bump is now huge. This was taken on Sunday:

28 weeks and 32 years

I am actually nearer to 29 weeks now. I had my 28 week midwife appointment last week. It went really well. My urine sample was clear, my blood pressure was normal, my bump is measuring spot on and Jellybean’s heartbeat was great. I love hearing her heartbeat.

Pregnancy wise I am doing well. The midwife was shocked at how active I am but said it goes to show how it is helping. I still cannot eat loads of food and heartburn is more of an issue now. Jellybean is super active and I am feeling her move right up by my ribs a lot now.

Yesterday was my 32nd birthday. I have had a lovely weekend. On Saturday, my friends, Mum and sister threw me a surprise birthday party. I was really not expecting it and was so touched. They had been planning it for ages.

There was a theme to the party to do with the name we have decided on for Jellybean…

Yesterday we went for a curry with my family. It was delicious. Today, Dave and I are round at my best friend’s. Her two little girls have made me birthday cards. Tomorrow, Dave is treating me to a day out. We are making the most of being baby free!

Things can get better

Sometimes I find it hard to believe how much progress I have made over the years since being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have two things that have happened over the past few days that I want to talk about.

Dave received a Facebook message from someone I have not been friends with for nearly 3 years a few evenings ago. I have spoken about this person. She was one of my bridesmaids when Dave and I got married. But when I was at my lowest, she made my life even worse. She made me feel guilty, didn't respect my boundaries and only cared about herself.

I made the decision that I did not want or need this person in my life. So I was surprised to find out this person messaged Dave acting as if nothing was wrong, asking how we were and congratulating us as she (somehow) knew I was pregnant.

Dave worried so much how I would react that he got in touch with my sister. She reassured Dave that I am stronger then a lot of people realise.

My first response when Dave told me was to laugh. I can honestly say that I have not once missed the friendship. I questioned the motives behind her getting in touch in the first place. Plus, the message acted if nothing had happened when it was quite the opposite.

Dave and I both agreed to ignore the message and that he would block her on Facebook. I am so happy with the people in my life. My family have always been amazing. I have the nicest and supportive friends. I didn't see the point in trying to be friends with someone who made me more ill and turned out to be an awful friend when I needed them the most.

I know for a fact that this message would have triggered my anxiety and depression when I was still struggling. I would not have been able to stop ruminating about it, quite possibly had a panic attack and it would have made my mood come crashing down. I would have brought it up continuously with Dave. It has been quite the opposite. We have not talked about it since Dave received the message.

Yesterday I went for afternoon tea for a friend's hen do. In the past, I would have automatically said no to something like this. I used to actively avoid situations like this; too many people, being with people I didn't know, a busy place etc. The only person I knew was the bride. But I went and had a good time. I chatted away to people I didn't know and they were all lovely.

To think there was a time that I was suicidal, struggled to leave the house and was constantly anxious and my mood was low is hard to believe right now. I am proud of how far I have come. I want to stress how it has not been easy to get to this point. There have been a lot of tears, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and being honest with myself and others when it is not always easy. I can recognise if I am starting to struggle and do things to help myself feel better.

27 Weeks

I am now 27 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy feels like it is flying by.

Last week, I didn't think Jellybean was moving as much. She just seemed a lot quieter than usual. I decided to phone up the hospital that I am giving birth at. They were amazing and said for me to come in so they could check everything was ok.

I ended up not telling anyone at the time and went the hospital on my own. I messaged Dom's Dad as I was due to pick him up for 10am and he said to collect him whenever I was ready.

Looking back, I have no idea why I didn't tell anyone in my family. I just calmly phoned the hospital, had a quick cry and drove myself to the hospital.

Jellybean was and is absolutely fine. They put a doppler on me and gave me a clicker. I was asked to press it whenever I felt Jellybean move. The midwife went and got me a drink and as soon as she left the room, Jellybean started moving! I was given tips on how to get Jellybean to move in future if I feel like she isn't moving as often.

So I did eventually tell Dave and my family that I had been to the hospital. Not surprisingly, I was told off by them all as they felt I shouldn't have gone on my own.

Since I have been into the hospital, Jellybean has been making up for having a brief quiet spell. She has been moving so much! I love feeling her move. It is one of the most incredible experiences.

I finally got round to doing yoga last night. I absolutely loved it. I have been continuing to do this pilates, zumba and bodycombat. I also continue to walk Walter each day. I really believe staying active will help me during labour and after Jellybean is born.

I have my 28 week midwife appointment next week. They will start measuring my bump. The week after we have our 4D scan. I can't wait to see Jellybean. I am doing a hypnobirthing course through the hospital which starts on Sunday. I have heard good things about it so hoping that will be beneficial when I am in labour.

Besides pregnancy, we really enjoyed having Lola here for two weeks (as did Walter). We managed two dog play sessions and loads of nice walks.

Still spending time with my family and friends regularly too. It is good to spend time with good people. Jellybean will be so lucky to have these fantastic people in her life.