Busy, busy, busy

Only 3 days until we fly out to Brisbane! This weekend has flown by as Dave and I have both been busy. 

I really enjoyed going for lunch with my parents and sister on Friday. It was nice getting to spend time with them. My hair is now even shorter. My hairdresser was laughing that I keep getting more of the length taken off each time. I now have a graduated bob which is the shortest I have had my hair in a good few years. It is much more manageable and will hopefully mean that I will be cooler in Australia. 

On Saturday was my godson’s 2nd birthday party. We had a good time. I was anxious in the car when driving to our friend’s but I was able to work through it by talking to Dave about it. I am still convinced my godson is autistic. He is really into cars at the moment. There was a lot of repetitive behaviours – moving the cars in a particular way, in a particular order etc. Also, he would lie on the floor and move the cars close to his eyes. He seemed fascinated with watching the car wheels turn. My godson does not talk and there was no imaginative element to his play. Other red flags were that we wouldn’t be singing happy birthday or putting candles on his cake as he is scared of candles and he was scared to open his presents unless you opened it to a point that he knew what the present was. I have thought for a few months now that my godson has autism. But I know it is not my place to broach the subject with my friend. Regardless, Dave and I love my godson. He means a lot to both of us. 

We started packing for Australia when we got back from the birthday party. It was comically to see how much more I am taking then Dave! I normally really hate packing for holidays but it helped me feel more organised and excited. 

Yesterday Dave did overtime at work. I went the gym in the morning. In the afternoon I started cleaning and tidying the house. It’s the first time in a few months I have done a proper clean. It sounds vile I know but I had zero motivation to do housework. It was taking all my energy to even get out of bed on particularly bad days. I feel so much better for doing it, even when I knocked the hoover and its contents spilled over the hall carpet! I managed to not get worked up about it which is a big thing for me. 

I am going the gym tonight. My friend is going to be doing some of my favourite tracks during combat. It was suggested that I make some requests as it is my last Monday at the gym for a good few weeks. 

Tomorrow my brother is off work. He is going to come round to mine and we are going to go out for lunch. Wednesday I am at the gym in the morning and I have Dom in the evening. 

This is potentially my last post before going away. I don’t have any concrete plans to post when I am in Australia. I do plan on taking a lot of photos which I will post at some point. 

Thanks again for taking the time to read, comment and like my posts. It means a lot. Until next time! 

Tired but awake

It is so frustrating how tired I am yet I can’t sleep. The past few nights I haven’t had enough sleep. I made a conscious effort to unwind and relax tonight. I had a bath and read in bed. I took a sleeping tablet two hours ago yet I am still awake! The annoying thing is I have to be up early as I finally have an NHS counselling appointment at 8.30am. I only have two CBT sessions left so I am going to make sure that the NHS counselling will continue in May. 

So I thought I should use my time awake positively and do a post. 

After a bad few days, my CBT helped massively this afternoon. I experienced this massive wave of anxiety which came from nowhere before going the gym last night. I need to work on ‘pressing my pause button’ and to acknowledge that it is ok to be anxious. My current strategy has been to fight it and not address it. By acknowledging it I can then identify what I need to do to help the anxiety pass. We also looked at the high levels of guilt I experience and negative self talk that I frequently do when I experience anxiety or when my mood drops. We focused on how much I worry and what things I am worried about and strategies to help me worry less. Currently my worries are

  • I will never recover from my current relapse
  • That when I get back from Australia I will have nothing to look forward to
  • Getting a job if I do recover

Only 9 days to go until we fly out to Brisbane! We are gonna pack at the weekend and I am going to do a huge clean of the house one day next week before we go. I want to come back to a tidy house as I think it will help.

I’m getting my hair cut on Friday so it looks nice for Australia. My hair grows ridiculously fast and my fringe is in eyes. I’m also going for lunch with my parents. 

It is my godson’s 2nd birthday tomorrow. He is having a birthday party on Saturday which I am looking forward to. We haven’t seen him for a few weeks as we’ve been so busy. 

10 positive things

I was reading through some recent posts of blogs that I follow. Bipolar Whispers has done a challenge and has asked others to do the same – to write 10 positive things about youself that have nothing to do with any of your mental health issues.

This is something I thought I would do. I focus on the negatives a lot. Funny that I saw this post this morning. I got up to find a notepad with a post it note on it from Dave – for the positive things. I am going to write at least one positive thing that has happened each day.

10 positive things about me that have nothing to do with depression or anxiety:

  1. I am a determined person. Once I set my mind to something I can be unstoppable. 
  2. I am a wife and love it. Dave proposed to me after being with me for 7 years and we got married after 9 and a half years together. Regardless of what others have said about the novelty wearing off, I still love being called Mrs and it hasn’t got old in the past (nearly!) 6 months
  3. I have a godson who is 2 on Wednesday. I have known him his entire life as his mum is one of my best friends. I love that I am known as Auntie Gemma to him. 
  4. I am passionate about the things I like and causes that are important to me. Examples of this are seeing my favourite bands live numerous times and having a jigsaw piece tattoo (autism awareness) on my ribs.
  5. I devour books. Ever since I can remember I have loved reading. I can easily sit and read for hours. 
  6. I am from Liverpool, England and very proud to be! Although I haven’t lived in Liverpool for a number of years I still have a scouse accent. 
  7. I am a gamer girl. I love nothing more than to sit and play on my xbox 360 particularly co op games with Dave. Our wedding cake was an xbox cake!
  8. I am a caring and loyal wife, daughter, sister, auntie and friend. My family and friends are extremely important to me and I love spending time with them. 
  9. I have climbed Snowdon and Scafell. I used this as an opportunity to raise money for Action for M.E. as my sister has M.E. I am hoping to climb Ben Nevis so that I can say I have climbed the three peaks in the UK. 
  10. I enjoy helping others, whether it is helping a friend out with a problem, helping someone in the gym who looks unsure or helping Dominic or other autistic children. I couldn’t imagine not being a helpful person. 

This was a really hard post to do. I have been attempting to think of 10 positive things about myself throughout the day. I am glad I did this though. It is something I can look at when I am struggling to think positively. 

It would be great if anyone else out there is willing to do this. Write 10 positive things about you that have nothing to do with any of your mental health issues.  Post them on your blog and share the link in the comments.  If you are not comfortable writing a blog post and linking it, you can write the 10 things in my comments section on this post.