Looking to the year ahead

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas. We decided not to do presents this year except for the children we know. It actually made the build up to Christmas more enjoyable. I wasn’t worrying about what to buy people. Dave and I didn’t buy Daisy anything either. She was just over 9 weeks and oblivious to the fact it was Christmas. We agreed we would rather buy Daisy thing as and when she needs them while she is so little. Daisy did get presents from our family and close friends including a play mat that she adores.

Daisy will be 11 weeks old on Friday. She is so much more alert now and smiles a lot. Daisy makes a lot of different sounds too. She had her first jabs the week before Christmas. We were fortunate that she didn’t seem to have any adverse reaction besides being more sleepy and cuddly than normal. We have got Daisy into a nice routine and for the most part she goes to sleep relatively quickly after her evening bath and bottle.

Yesterday I went back to the gym. Last time I went was 6 weeks before I gave birth. I was highly anxious beforehand. But I was glad I went. I did a Bodycombat class and really enjoyed it. It was hard but not as much as I anticipated. It was nice to catch up with people. I am aching a bit today but I was expecting to.

Dave and I have never done anything big for New Year’s Eve. This year will be no exception especially as we are now parents. We plan on our usual tradition of getting a Chinese takeaway and chilling out in front of the telly.

I am really looking forward to the year ahead. I am taking Daisy to a 6 week sensory class at a local soft play centre. My best friend teaches a sweaty mama class. It is an exercise class that you can take your babies to. I am planning on finding some sort of music based class for Daisy as she loves music and I want to do a baby massage class. I am looking forward to seeing Daisy grow and develop. I love being her Mummy.

I hope everyone enjoys bringing in the New Year. Here’s to a fantastic 2018!!!

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6 weeks already!

Tomorrow Daisy will be 6 weeks old. It has flown by! She now fits in newborn and 0 – 3 month clothes after being in tiny baby clothes from birth.

Daisy enjoys cuddles, music and singing. She loves having her cheeks stroked and her hands rubbed. Daisy is making lots of different noises and likes to grab your hands.

I can’t remember life before being a Mum. I have never experienced tiredness like it but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I don’t know what sleep is anymore but I am so used to being sleep deprived now. Being a Mum is extremely hard but it is the most rewarding and amazing thing.

When Daisy was first born, I definitely experienced the baby blues. I was crying over everything and anything, good and bad. I did have concerns that it was post natal depression, but it was definitely due to all the hormones from being pregnant and giving birth. I feel confident and at ease being a Mum. My confidence has grown over these past 6 weeks and I am not afraid to talk to people if I am feeling overwhelmed or unsure.

Welcome to the world Daisy Georgia

On 20th October at 2.02pm, our little girl Daisy Georgia made a whirlwind entrance to the world weighing 6lb 1oz.

At 5am on 20th October, I woke up in bed to discover my waters had broken. I went to the hospital to confirm this. By 10.30am, I was having strong and consistent contractions. I only know this now as when we get to hospital at 1pm, I was fully dilated and ready to push. I completely surprised myself by giving birth without pain relief. The hospital told me that I had done all the hard work at home.

Daisy came 19 days early. She was born a day before what would have been my Grandad George’s birthday. Although she is in tiny baby clothes, she is doing well.

Although we are already sleep deprived, Dave and I are completely in love with Daisy.

( Nearly) 37 weeks

The last few weeks have gone past in the blink of an eye. Even though I am at the point in my pregnancy where I feel uncomfortable most of the time.

Up until the past few days, Jellybean felt like she lived in my ribs. It was virtually impossible to ever feel comfortable. Towards the end of last week, Jellybean moved down. For the first time in my pregnancy, I actually had an appetite!

During my 36 week midwife appointment, my bump was measuring big yet again. I went for a growth scan the following day. Jellybean is absolutely fine. She isn’t measuring big and is actually spot on in terms of her weight.

New symptoms I am experiencing are waking up completely drenched in sweat. I feel like I have done a 45 minutes Bodycombat class! I have been having some intense pressure in my bump at times too. Last night, I woke up feeling nauseous and ended up throwing up. Dave is convinced I will go into labour before my due date.

Dave and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary last week. It was nice to spend some time together before Jellybean arrives. We went out for a Chinese which was delicious.

I will end the post with another photo of Walter. We got him a new harness. It looks super comfy and looks great on him

32 weeks

Today marks my 32nd week of pregnancy. It is hard to believe that Jellybean is due in 8 weeks!

I really feel pregnant now. I regularly experience sore hips and pressure in my lower pelvis. Last week when I was nearly 31 weeks pregnant, I had to stop going to the gym. I am proud I managed to keep going until I was nearly 31 weeks. I am continuing to walk Walter each day. I am struggling to sleep a lot now. I am frequently having to switch sides in bed or get up to pee.

It was found during my 28 week blood test that it was found that I am slightly anaemic. I am now on iron tablets. The past week I have developed what I think is carpal tunnel syndrome. I have a physio appointment next week so hoping this will help with this and my hips.

My bump is now huge. This was taken on Sunday:

28 weeks and 32 years

I am actually nearer to 29 weeks now. I had my 28 week midwife appointment last week. It went really well. My urine sample was clear, my blood pressure was normal, my bump is measuring spot on and Jellybean’s heartbeat was great. I love hearing her heartbeat.

Pregnancy wise I am doing well. The midwife was shocked at how active I am but said it goes to show how it is helping. I still cannot eat loads of food and heartburn is more of an issue now. Jellybean is super active and I am feeling her move right up by my ribs a lot now.

Yesterday was my 32nd birthday. I have had a lovely weekend. On Saturday, my friends, Mum and sister threw me a surprise birthday party. I was really not expecting it and was so touched. They had been planning it for ages.

There was a theme to the party to do with the name we have decided on for Jellybean…

Yesterday we went for a curry with my family. It was delicious. Today, Dave and I are round at my best friend’s. Her two little girls have made me birthday cards. Tomorrow, Dave is treating me to a day out. We are making the most of being baby free!

Things can get better

Sometimes I find it hard to believe how much progress I have made over the years since being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have two things that have happened over the past few days that I want to talk about.

Dave received a Facebook message from someone I have not been friends with for nearly 3 years a few evenings ago. I have spoken about this person. She was one of my bridesmaids when Dave and I got married. But when I was at my lowest, she made my life even worse. She made me feel guilty, didn't respect my boundaries and only cared about herself.

I made the decision that I did not want or need this person in my life. So I was surprised to find out this person messaged Dave acting as if nothing was wrong, asking how we were and congratulating us as she (somehow) knew I was pregnant.

Dave worried so much how I would react that he got in touch with my sister. She reassured Dave that I am stronger then a lot of people realise.

My first response when Dave told me was to laugh. I can honestly say that I have not once missed the friendship. I questioned the motives behind her getting in touch in the first place. Plus, the message acted if nothing had happened when it was quite the opposite.

Dave and I both agreed to ignore the message and that he would block her on Facebook. I am so happy with the people in my life. My family have always been amazing. I have the nicest and supportive friends. I didn't see the point in trying to be friends with someone who made me more ill and turned out to be an awful friend when I needed them the most.

I know for a fact that this message would have triggered my anxiety and depression when I was still struggling. I would not have been able to stop ruminating about it, quite possibly had a panic attack and it would have made my mood come crashing down. I would have brought it up continuously with Dave. It has been quite the opposite. We have not talked about it since Dave received the message.

Yesterday I went for afternoon tea for a friend's hen do. In the past, I would have automatically said no to something like this. I used to actively avoid situations like this; too many people, being with people I didn't know, a busy place etc. The only person I knew was the bride. But I went and had a good time. I chatted away to people I didn't know and they were all lovely.

To think there was a time that I was suicidal, struggled to leave the house and was constantly anxious and my mood was low is hard to believe right now. I am proud of how far I have come. I want to stress how it has not been easy to get to this point. There have been a lot of tears, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and being honest with myself and others when it is not always easy. I can recognise if I am starting to struggle and do things to help myself feel better.