It’s been too long

I have missed blogging. I’ve struggled to find the time for it though.

So Daisy is 4 months old now. 4 months!!! At times, I find it hard to believe. She has more than doubled her birth weight, is so close to rolling over and has such a cheeky personality. We are having proper belly laughs from her now, which are just the best.

At times, Daisy is teething. Thankfully, it comes in short bursts. I really feel for her when it’s bad. All she wants is to cuddle.

Being a Mum brings new challenges in terms of my mental health. Sometimes I get stuck in a cycle of worrying about something about Daisy. Other times, I feel overwhelmed and I am filled with self doubt. I know that I put a lot of pressure on myself. I try to talk to Dave whenever I am struggling like this. He is really good at helping me think more logically.

Regardless of the struggles I do experience at times, I truly love being a Mum. It is a joy and a privilege to get to experience motherhood. It is indescribable how amazing it is to get to watch Daisy grow and change.

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Looking to the year ahead

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas. We decided not to do presents this year except for the children we know. It actually made the build up to Christmas more enjoyable. I wasn’t worrying about what to buy people. Dave and I didn’t buy Daisy anything either. She was just over 9 weeks and oblivious to the fact it was Christmas. We agreed we would rather buy Daisy thing as and when she needs them while she is so little. Daisy did get presents from our family and close friends including a play mat that she adores.

Daisy will be 11 weeks old on Friday. She is so much more alert now and smiles a lot. Daisy makes a lot of different sounds too. She had her first jabs the week before Christmas. We were fortunate that she didn’t seem to have any adverse reaction besides being more sleepy and cuddly than normal. We have got Daisy into a nice routine and for the most part she goes to sleep relatively quickly after her evening bath and bottle.

Yesterday I went back to the gym. Last time I went was 6 weeks before I gave birth. I was highly anxious beforehand. But I was glad I went. I did a Bodycombat class and really enjoyed it. It was hard but not as much as I anticipated. It was nice to catch up with people. I am aching a bit today but I was expecting to.

Dave and I have never done anything big for New Year’s Eve. This year will be no exception especially as we are now parents. We plan on our usual tradition of getting a Chinese takeaway and chilling out in front of the telly.

I am really looking forward to the year ahead. I am taking Daisy to a 6 week sensory class at a local soft play centre. My best friend teaches a sweaty mama class. It is an exercise class that you can take your babies to. I am planning on finding some sort of music based class for Daisy as she loves music and I want to do a baby massage class. I am looking forward to seeing Daisy grow and develop. I love being her Mummy.

I hope everyone enjoys bringing in the New Year. Here’s to a fantastic 2018!!!

( Nearly) 37 weeks

The last few weeks have gone past in the blink of an eye. Even though I am at the point in my pregnancy where I feel uncomfortable most of the time.

Up until the past few days, Jellybean felt like she lived in my ribs. It was virtually impossible to ever feel comfortable. Towards the end of last week, Jellybean moved down. For the first time in my pregnancy, I actually had an appetite!

During my 36 week midwife appointment, my bump was measuring big yet again. I went for a growth scan the following day. Jellybean is absolutely fine. She isn’t measuring big and is actually spot on in terms of her weight.

New symptoms I am experiencing are waking up completely drenched in sweat. I feel like I have done a 45 minutes Bodycombat class! I have been having some intense pressure in my bump at times too. Last night, I woke up feeling nauseous and ended up throwing up. Dave is convinced I will go into labour before my due date.

Dave and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary last week. It was nice to spend some time together before Jellybean arrives. We went out for a Chinese which was delicious.

I will end the post with another photo of Walter. We got him a new harness. It looks super comfy and looks great on him

28 weeks and 32 years

I am actually nearer to 29 weeks now. I had my 28 week midwife appointment last week. It went really well. My urine sample was clear, my blood pressure was normal, my bump is measuring spot on and Jellybean’s heartbeat was great. I love hearing her heartbeat.

Pregnancy wise I am doing well. The midwife was shocked at how active I am but said it goes to show how it is helping. I still cannot eat loads of food and heartburn is more of an issue now. Jellybean is super active and I am feeling her move right up by my ribs a lot now.

Yesterday was my 32nd birthday. I have had a lovely weekend. On Saturday, my friends, Mum and sister threw me a surprise birthday party. I was really not expecting it and was so touched. They had been planning it for ages.

There was a theme to the party to do with the name we have decided on for Jellybean…

Yesterday we went for a curry with my family. It was delicious. Today, Dave and I are round at my best friend’s. Her two little girls have made me birthday cards. Tomorrow, Dave is treating me to a day out. We are making the most of being baby free!

Things can get better

Sometimes I find it hard to believe how much progress I have made over the years since being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have two things that have happened over the past few days that I want to talk about.

Dave received a Facebook message from someone I have not been friends with for nearly 3 years a few evenings ago. I have spoken about this person. She was one of my bridesmaids when Dave and I got married. But when I was at my lowest, she made my life even worse. She made me feel guilty, didn't respect my boundaries and only cared about herself.

I made the decision that I did not want or need this person in my life. So I was surprised to find out this person messaged Dave acting as if nothing was wrong, asking how we were and congratulating us as she (somehow) knew I was pregnant.

Dave worried so much how I would react that he got in touch with my sister. She reassured Dave that I am stronger then a lot of people realise.

My first response when Dave told me was to laugh. I can honestly say that I have not once missed the friendship. I questioned the motives behind her getting in touch in the first place. Plus, the message acted if nothing had happened when it was quite the opposite.

Dave and I both agreed to ignore the message and that he would block her on Facebook. I am so happy with the people in my life. My family have always been amazing. I have the nicest and supportive friends. I didn't see the point in trying to be friends with someone who made me more ill and turned out to be an awful friend when I needed them the most.

I know for a fact that this message would have triggered my anxiety and depression when I was still struggling. I would not have been able to stop ruminating about it, quite possibly had a panic attack and it would have made my mood come crashing down. I would have brought it up continuously with Dave. It has been quite the opposite. We have not talked about it since Dave received the message.

Yesterday I went for afternoon tea for a friend's hen do. In the past, I would have automatically said no to something like this. I used to actively avoid situations like this; too many people, being with people I didn't know, a busy place etc. The only person I knew was the bride. But I went and had a good time. I chatted away to people I didn't know and they were all lovely.

To think there was a time that I was suicidal, struggled to leave the house and was constantly anxious and my mood was low is hard to believe right now. I am proud of how far I have come. I want to stress how it has not been easy to get to this point. There have been a lot of tears, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and being honest with myself and others when it is not always easy. I can recognise if I am starting to struggle and do things to help myself feel better.

Viability


Today marks 24 weeks pregnant which means from this point on, our little girl has a good chance of surviving if she were to be born. This made me smile immensely when it came up on Ovia, one of the pregnancy apps I use. 

For the most part, my morning sickness has gone. I have had the odd bout of it but nothing major. The recent hot weather has been horrible for me. I am finding it harder to get comfy in bed at night even with a pregnancy pillow. But it is so much worse when it is warm. As a result, my sleep has been terrible. I haven’t been the gym since Saturday and have needed to have naps on days when I am particularly tired. 

My bump is definitely more noticeable now. The past few weeks when I have had Dom, he has commented each week that my bump is bigger. 


Our little girl’s movements are becoming much more stronger. Dave, my mum, brother and best friend have all felt her which has been lovely. 

I had a recent spell of being super anxious about our baby. My biggest fear is something is wrong with her or will go wrong. I spoke to Dave and my Mum about it which helped a lot. It is nowhere near as bad now. 

We have booked a 4D scan for the end of August. We are going to where we went for the gender scan as they were brilliant. Plus, they had a great offer on and we couldn’t resist. We only have to wait another 6 weeks for it.

We have had so many lovely people giving us things for our baby. From clothes and books for her to maternity clothes for me. Our little girl is loved by so many already. 

Pregnancy aside, things are good. Spent lots of time with my family recently including a birthday meal for my Dad at the weekend. The times I have been able to go the gym I have thoroughly enjoyed it and kept up in classes. I am doing low impact moves/adaptations when needed. 

From tomorrow Walter’s BFF Lola is staying with us for just over 2 weeks. Dave and I are really looking forward to it. Walter enjoys having her here. Dave has some time off over the next few weeks which will be nice. 

Halfway there

I am now 21 weeks pregnant! So infact I am over the half way point. Yesterday Dave and I had our 20 week anatomy scan. I always feel a mixture of excitement and nerves before scans. 

Our little girl has grown so much since our private gender scan 5 weeks ago. I am so happy that she is healthy and well. She was checked thoroughly from head to toe which reassured Dave and I. Especially with the whole issue with my medication. I was so relieved when they checked her heart and it was fine. As per every scan, our little girl decided to be awkward during the scan. I was asked to go for a wee in the hopes that she would move position (which she did). It made me laugh as I have had to do this during each scan. 

I am feeling our baby girl move so often now. Dave has yet to feel her. She stops moving when he talks to or rub my bump. But it is just a matter of time before he does. I am still having morning sickness. I ended up throwing up outside the house when we got back from the scan yesterday. The majority of the time that I am not being sick I feel nauseous. It is hard at times. But, I know that all this will be worth it by the time our little girl arrives. 

A few weeks ago, we took Walter to Dogfest at Arley Hall for the second year in a row. This year we also went with our friend and her dog Lola. It happened to be unbelievably hot during the week we went to Dogfest. We were frequently putting the dogs into paddling pools, pouring water on them and getting them to drink. 

We made the decision to leave early for Dogfest this year. It was a good decision. We had to queue to get into it, but the queue moved constantly. We got to hear the amazing Noel Fitzpatrick talk this year. He is such an inspiration. 

Noel had this tshirt on during his talk and I couldn’t resist one for myself

Waiting in the queue

Walter all ready for Dogfest

Walter and I did a selfie haha!


How much does Walter suit this flatcap?! 


The main man; Noel Fitzpatrick!

I am planning on going back to the gym tomorrow. I haven’t been for nearly a month what with my asthma being bad and then morning sickness reappearing. I am going to do Zumba and I can’t wait. 

Our little girl already has some lovely clothes thanks to her auntie, Nan and Grandad and her great auntie and uncle in Australia. My Mum is in knitting heaven. The baby already has a matching hat, cardigan and blanket that are beautiful. I also couldn’t resist buying her some things for Father’s Day for Dave. 

These clothes are from my sister


Dave’s Father’s Day presents. The books are so sweet and made me cry reading them.