Talking, walking and sorting

Thank you to all the people who have left some really lovely and encouraging comments on my last post. I wasn’t expecting them at all. I am quick to find the negative in situations and you all helped me see that I was strong and brave to stand up for myself when at times I feel quite the opposite. 

I had my first CBT session last week. It went a lot better then I anticipated. I am not sure if I like the counsellor at the moment. At times she seemed sympathetic and at others she made me feel ridiculous and stupid for the way I think right now. I have three more sessions booked in before going to Australia. 

On Saturday the weather was pleasant. You would think given the UK press that we were experiencing a heatwave. It wasn’t warm. It was sunny and I didn’t need to wear a coat outside. Dave and I took advantage of it and went for a walk around a dam that is about 10 minutes drive from our house:





The fresh air and sunshine on my face felt fantastic. I felt so much calmer. We then went and had a drink in Starbucks. Although it was busy I didn’t feel overly anxious. 

Dave and I have been discussing the possibility of getting a dog when we come back from Australia. The benefits of me being outside were obvious after Saturday. I also think it will give me a sense of purpose having to look after a dog. We are not taking this decision lightly. We still need to discuss it in more detail. Plus currently Dave and I live in a rental property so we would need permission from our landlord. I’m hoping this wouldn’t be an issue with him as we have lived here for coming up to 4 years now and we are not looking to get a huge dog. 

Dave and I went through all our clothes we are planning to take to Australia. I have mostly everything. I just need a few more pairs of shorts and another bikini. Dave needs some more shorts and tshirts. I was supposed to be going out for the day on Friday with a friend. She has had to cancel though so Dave and I are going to get all the clothes we need plus all the other stuff we need (I’ve made a list). I felt so much better when I could see that we don’t need to buy that much. Dave’s auntie has been messaging him about us climbing the Sydner Harbour Bridge today! We have our visas sorted, car park booked and Dave has emailed the airline we are flying with to let them know we are going to be on our honeymoon. 

I went the gym on Saturday. A lot of people spoke to me about the incident with the woman pushing. They were all supportive of me. I found out from my friend that this woman has made someone else who comes to the classes so uncomfortable that she had stopped coming the gym! My friend is away from Wednesday for a few days so I am planning on mixing it up a bit at the gym. Normally I go to the gym on Wednesday mornings but I have decided to go to Insanity and Abs Blast tomorrow night instead. It is not worth the stress of potentially seeing this woman on Wednesday when my friend isn’t running the classes. I have been really up and down mood wise over the weekend so it really isn’t worth it. 

Exercise

This time two years ago I was four stone heavier. The reality back then was a UK size 18 was becoming too tight. I was exercising regularly and not seeing the benefits. I decided to try doing Weight Watchers myself. I ordered the relevant books from ebay and bought some digital scales for the kitchen and bathroom scales. In the first week I lost 6lbs! I carried on with Weight Watchers and continued to lose weight. 

As the weight came off, my fitness improved massively. I was able to do more challenging exercises. My confidence was really good because of all this. I have climbed Snowdon and Scafell for charity. I now go the gym 6 days a week and I am able to do two classes back to back.

Exercise has been a consistent factor in my life now for two years. During that time I have suffered two mental health relapses. My husband is convinced I would be agoraphobic. The gym is the only reason I leave the house most days. 

Although I know that the majority of the time I feel better after exercising, it is still a constant battle to get to the gym. I feel anxious before going. When at the gym there is that time before classes start that I feel overly paranoid and I really have to fight the urge to leave. Some days I don’t want to face other people. As I have been a regular fixture at the gym for a number of years and as such people talk to me or say hello to me when they arrive. On some days this is draining but I try really hard to talk to people. I go to a lot of the classes that my personal trainer runs. She goes out of her way to talk to me every time and I really appreciate it. 

I welcome the distraction exercise brings. For me, high intensity classes are the best. I don’t have time to think about anything other than the exercise I am doing at the time. If you can find exercise that you like it is the key. I feel great after exercising and the buzz of endorphins is what I need. I hope that as I recover more from this current relapse I get my confidence back. I was a lot more confident and self assured before my recent relapse.

Before I lost the weight, I would never have gone to group exercise classes. I resisted for months and finally gave in and went to one. Now I’m hooked. I love Les Mills Combat, Attack and Pump and also Insanity and Spin classes. A week tomorrow I am doing a charity event at the gym called Fit 4 5ive. I will leave you with a poster advertising it.