A new opportunity

Thank you for all the supportive comments on my last post. I didn’t know how to respond to them. But I hope you know that they were a comfort to me during last weekend. 

It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster since my disastrous assessment on Friday.

It took me until about Sunday to fully move forward from the assessment. Friday evening I had to take it five minutes at a time. I was worn out but had to take a sleeping tablet. 

I was still in such a bad state on Saturday. So much so that I couldn’t face the gym. I didn’t have the strength to exercise or to face people. Dave had to make me go with him to take Walter for a walk. I’m so glad he did. It helped me to begin to clear my head. 

On Sunday I suggested that we take Walter for a big walk. I felt much more able to face the world. Walter loved meeting lots of new dogs. A group of young children were fascinated with him and I managed to get him to do a few of his tricks much to their delight. 

On Sunday evening I received a text that boosted my mood. At Dom’s mum’s wedding, there was a 13 year old girl there with Down’s Syndrome. I spoke to her during the day and also danced with her during the evening. Her mum had mentioned how she would love to have me working with her daughter. 

I decided to bite the bullet and text Dom’s mum expressing my interest in supporting this girl. On Sunday evening her Mum text me to see if I was still interested. My head was trying to tell me to make up an excuse, that I wasn’t up to this, that I would be rubbish. But I ignored these thoughts. 

So tomorrow I am working with this girl! I spoke to her Mum earlier on and I am actually looking forward to it now. I will be helping this girl get ready first thing in the morning to get ready for school. I will also be supporting her for a few hours after school. From speaking to the girl’s mum, she sounds like a right character. 

It’s funny how certain events can help change your mood for the better. I really hope working with this girl will help me as much as her. This could be a great opportunity for me. It could help aid my recovery. 

I am in the process of switching my medication. I have lowered my dosage of Citralopram from 40mg to 20mg. Next week I will be taking 50mg of Sertraline each morning. I do have my doubts whether this is the right thing to do. But I am willing to at least try in order to stabilise my mood. 

Being brave

So I decided to be more brave with my hair. This is a big deal for me. I normally would never have suggested an undercut to my hairdresser for fear of looking stupid, hating it etc. But after spending the week looking at different undercuts I decided to do it. 

My hairdresser and I decided to go for a softer undercut which you can see on my left side. I love it. It looks different and I can always cover the undercut if I want by putting my hair over my ear. I am now contemplating getting some colour in it. 

Yesterday I spent the day round at my parents. I had a lovely time. Walter loves my family. He had lots of fun running round in their garden and getting lots of cuddles. 

This morning was Walter’s first session of his puppy classes. At first he didn’t know what to make of it. He is the smallest puppy there. A lot of the puppies are really lovely but hyper labradors. Today was a chance for the puppies to have a run round off the leads on the massive field where we will do the training and to get used to each other. By the end of today’s session Walter was a lot more settled and much more happier going up to the other puppies and vice versa. The real work starts next week. We picked up some really good treats for Walter after the session. Dave and I are really pleased with the puppy classes. Walter did really well and we are really looking forward to going again next week. 

I felt pleased that I coped at the puppy session. I didn’t feel anxious. I was able to talk to the other puppy owners. Having Walter has made me be more sociable. We are constantly stopped on walks by people wanting to stroke him and ask questions. As such, I have to interact with people. One of the neighbours near ours always says hello to Walter now whenever he sees him 🙂

Walter is absolutely shattered after the puppy class. Our friends are coming round in a bit so he is having a much needed rest. This was him earlier in the week. He was sat with me on the couch. I leaned forward to get my drink from the coffee table and he stole my seat!


Talking, walking and sorting

Thank you to all the people who have left some really lovely and encouraging comments on my last post. I wasn’t expecting them at all. I am quick to find the negative in situations and you all helped me see that I was strong and brave to stand up for myself when at times I feel quite the opposite. 

I had my first CBT session last week. It went a lot better then I anticipated. I am not sure if I like the counsellor at the moment. At times she seemed sympathetic and at others she made me feel ridiculous and stupid for the way I think right now. I have three more sessions booked in before going to Australia. 

On Saturday the weather was pleasant. You would think given the UK press that we were experiencing a heatwave. It wasn’t warm. It was sunny and I didn’t need to wear a coat outside. Dave and I took advantage of it and went for a walk around a dam that is about 10 minutes drive from our house:

The fresh air and sunshine on my face felt fantastic. I felt so much calmer. We then went and had a drink in Starbucks. Although it was busy I didn’t feel overly anxious. 

Dave and I have been discussing the possibility of getting a dog when we come back from Australia. The benefits of me being outside were obvious after Saturday. I also think it will give me a sense of purpose having to look after a dog. We are not taking this decision lightly. We still need to discuss it in more detail. Plus currently Dave and I live in a rental property so we would need permission from our landlord. I’m hoping this wouldn’t be an issue with him as we have lived here for coming up to 4 years now and we are not looking to get a huge dog. 

Dave and I went through all our clothes we are planning to take to Australia. I have mostly everything. I just need a few more pairs of shorts and another bikini. Dave needs some more shorts and tshirts. I was supposed to be going out for the day on Friday with a friend. She has had to cancel though so Dave and I are going to get all the clothes we need plus all the other stuff we need (I’ve made a list). I felt so much better when I could see that we don’t need to buy that much. Dave’s auntie has been messaging him about us climbing the Sydner Harbour Bridge today! We have our visas sorted, car park booked and Dave has emailed the airline we are flying with to let them know we are going to be on our honeymoon. 

I went the gym on Saturday. A lot of people spoke to me about the incident with the woman pushing. They were all supportive of me. I found out from my friend that this woman has made someone else who comes to the classes so uncomfortable that she had stopped coming the gym! My friend is away from Wednesday for a few days so I am planning on mixing it up a bit at the gym. Normally I go to the gym on Wednesday mornings but I have decided to go to Insanity and Abs Blast tomorrow night instead. It is not worth the stress of potentially seeing this woman on Wednesday when my friend isn’t running the classes. I have been really up and down mood wise over the weekend so it really isn’t worth it.